


Why

by MissMinYoongiKook



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Idols, Bad Boy Yoongi, Bad parent relationship, Bottom Jimin, Bottom Yoongi, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Flashbacks, Gangs and drugs, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Jimin & Jungkook Are Best Friends, M/M, Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Minor Hoseok/Yoongi, Multiple Personalities, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Jimin, POV Yoongi, Protective Yoongi, Suicide Attempt, Yoongi Is Bad at Feelings, first and third person, jimin isn't famous yet, killer yoongi, top zico, trigger warning, welcome Zico
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:27:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 40,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8295692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMinYoongiKook/pseuds/MissMinYoongiKook
Summary: 'Why do you never listen to us? Let us show you how to do things. Maybe then you'll remember.'
"Get out now." 
'Why are we like this? Just let things happen the way we want them to. Quit interfering !'
No. Leave. me. alone.
'Not until you remember.'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please enjoy reading this! Leave comments and kudos and suggestions to help in anyway you think might be possible. I love you beans.
> 
> EDIT :
> 
> i have made a padlet for this story. it will be updated until the story is finished so please look a few times if you are visual readers. COPY THIS TO YOUR BROWSERS. 
> 
> https://padlet.com/deathwolfpaw/popdnujte7sq

Min yoongi, is a high school graduate who was trying to make a living through music saving up as much as he could every chance he got and added it to his 'one day I'll leave ' savings in his bank, but until then it was living at home with mom and pop in their unstable home. He hated it. They told him to be an adult and live his own life but when they needed him and his money he would refuse and automatically restate what they had told him when he first became an adult. He had things to do people he wanted to meet and his parents didn't like him for that, calling him names saying that he was being disrespectful.  
"I DIDNT ASK TO BE BORN! I DIDNT ASK FOR ALL THIS TO BE THROWN ON ME AS SOON AS I GOT A JOB AND SOME MONEY FOR MYSELF !" He would shout at them. It was his most used statement and it shut them up every time no matter the condition of the argument. He was done being their bank for when they blew their money on useless things and couldn't afford the bills. After each argument he'd have with them, which wasn't as often as he thought but it was still a pretty frequent thing, he would go to his room and open his savings and count the money have had in there and would do the math and figure out how much left he needed to save up before he could storm off in the middle of the night without so much as a word. 

 

Finishing a night in the recording studio, a stressful one at that, I , min "genius" yoongi, slowly made my way through the many doors that kept my work a secret from unneeded ears. It was just another day of note scratching and paper crumpling, just like it's always been for the past three months. Having no idea what to even write about anymore, the dream of moving out of my parents house before I die was killing me from the inside out, literally. Every night id sit in my room and stare at the ceiling looking for words to mash together enough to make a decent stanza , but it doesn't work, it never dose and all I'm left with is this hole in my chest and anger. Oh the beloved anger which fills me up leaving me a mess at the end of the night. I usually bottle it up and store it for the arguments that always leave me on empty after, but I'm coming to realize, I don't even care about them anymore. I haven't cared about a single fucking argument I get in with anyone anymore, especially not with my parents. It's always the same: " yoongi-ah, we need some extra money for the water bill. Do you think you have it in your heart to help us out and give us 200 for it ?" My mother would always start out as my father stood back and watched my reaction, which has only slightly changed from angry to resting bitch face. I'd decline and that's when my father would join in: " we give you a roof over your head, food in your mouth. And this is how you repay us? By simply being disrespectful?!" It was always different at the end no two were the same, not in the 20 years I've been alive and not in the two years I've had a job, my job, doing what I loved, at least until I can get a decent song fixed for more money to arrive. Sometimes I'll mix it up and ignore them entirely, locking my door and jamming headphones into my ears.  
A sudden loud raining in my ears jolted me out of my bed causing me to rip my headphones out at an alarming speed. I hurried to answer my phone after removing the headphone jack and ignoring the caller ID.  
"I don't know who you are or why you're calling me yet , but know that I am pissed and annoyed at being woken up at." I paused to look at the clock. " are you fucking kidding me, it's 7 am. Someone better have died for your mental sake. " the voice at the other end was deep but very clear. Only having one friend in my circle with a voice like that I knew who I was taking to.  
"That was both frightening and funny, but I called you because, as your manager and lovely best friend-"  
"Namjoon, you're wearing my already thin patience down to a fine grain of sand. Out with it or I'm hanging up." I cut him off.  
"Ahem, I am calling to inform you that I have a new song for you to record and to tell you that there is an interest in signing you."  
I thought for a moment pulling in everything he told me and thought it over before answering. Rash decision making is crushing in the music industry leaving you one of two ways: living with your parents for the rest of your life trying to get by OR living in a top notch mansion without your parents. Personally I am striving for the second.  
" what's the sonf details and the name of the company?" My voice hinted my caution and I knew Namjoon picked up on it.  
"The song is about your struggles and the company isn't a big one but it's better than nothing. They didn't leave with a name, they just told me to call you and tell you they will be calling soon to go over details. Sketchy if you ask me, but it's up to you if you wanna take the risk, I won't judge or harass you." He chuckled softly to himself which pissed me off.  
" I'll talk to you about it later at the studio. Meeting at 3. Call everyone and tell them to meet up. I'm going back to bed and decide on your fate for waking me up at the ass crack of dawn." I hung up the phone regardless of the protests on the other line and set it back down on my nightstand next to my bed. What a long day this is about to be for me.

4:30 pm

Still feeling like a zombie, I lifted myself out the door of the hell I lived in to meet up with everyone who was at the studio, more so waiting at the studio. I was an hour late.  
I had woken up to 15 calls from Namjoon and thirty from Jin. When I had called them back they all sounded worried , like I had died or had been in some accident in their minds. Not like I wouldn't have minded that, oops .  
Upon entering the studio I was met with several rude glances in order of this:  
Seokjin, teahyung , Namjoon, jungkook, and j-hope.  
"Ah, I see all my idiots are here before me. You guys must really love your hyung ." Sucks for them if they thought I was gonna call a meeting and not be rude a bit to them, that wouldn't be very yoongi of me .  
Eyes rolling topped the boards of annoyed looks I got shot back at me. I only gave a small huff in humor.

" so what's the deal on the signing ?" I looked at Namjoon who took out some papers from a folder under his arm.  
"Their company is called big hit." He started but who's to say I was listening after that.  
I nodded my head once in a while to show I was listening just a little , otherwise why call a meeting if I wasn't gonna put even a little of effort into this.  
" they want you to take part in an audition for an opening in one of their boy groups."  
I stopped nodding my head and became instantaneously annoyed. No, never, nope. I worked alone or with my side ho's of companions.  
"No." It was dull and showed no signs of my annoyance but they all could tell I was at my limit for the day. "Alone or with you guys, that's the only way I'll sign. I'd rather starve for money than work with people who don't know me or who I don't know. I can't even stand the lot of you sometimes ." They all looked at me but they understood.  
"What do you want me to tell them then? They wanted me to call as soon as this meeting was over."

"Tell them exactly what I just said: I'm not signing unless it's a solo project or they sign us all, period. "  
Namjoon nodded and I took out my phone. "So who's buying lunch ?" I didn't look away as I tweeted about being in the room 'with my special losers ." I could tell they were glaring at me but I only smiled a bit.

We ended up eating at subway. I was annoyed, but I did let them pick so I pretended to have fun, deep down though, I wanted to be at home. I don't even know why I asked to eat out, I had food at my place. I guess I just wanted to be around people and didn't know it.

I finished first, shocker. Not really, I only had a 6 inch sandwich so no shocker here. I waited for everyone to finish when Namjoon got a call on his phone. He didn't bother to get up and leave so I assumed it was for everyone to hear at the end of the conversation. It wasn't a very long conversation but it did include a series of 'okay' 'yes' until it ended a few minutes after.

"Who was that?" Being genuinely curious, I was the first to ask while everyone looked at Namjoon expecting a response anyway after he'd hung up the phone.

"That was the company that wants to sign you, after I had called them on the way to get food they looked at our records, the 5 of us." He paused to gesture towards everyone in the group but me. " they decided to make contracts for everyone. They will discuss further details when we meet them next week. They will call me to actually set the when and where date." He was smiling as so was everyone else. I was too, deep down. I only nodded in agreement. " this is grate, that means I won't be stuck with any strangers" everyone smiled and nodded in agreement as they started talking amongst themselves.

 

After lunch we went our separate ways but not after addressing the elephant in the room. We would have an official "group " meeting before the meeting with the BIGHIT company going over important details within our clique. It made me nervous a bit , usually I call the meetings and it's usually just to fuck around and hang out with friends but this time Namjoon called the meeting and it would be about all of our futures. What isn't scare about that? Absolutely nothing.

As usual after meeting up with friends I'd make a detour to the local music store to see who was new and what I could buy with the spare change I allow myself to spend for casual things like this. If all goes well I wouldn't have to use some of the ones I was trying to save mostly because I'd already be out of hell so what would be the point in saving when I'm an idol? The only thing I'd probably not do is send money to them. They would blow it on useless things, just like they always do.

Walking down the rows and rows of CDs, skimming the covers of interesting names I stopped on a rack which was ironically the k-pop rack. It'd been a long time since I looked at anything k-pop related , mostly because I got into my own music or American rap music. I was into it at a young age but not too young, just my middle school days. High school is where I got more into making my own music and listening to rap. I love it, music is my entire life and it made me happy. I finished browsing seeing nothing interesting , to bad. I didn't wanna go home but I had nothing else to really do and I was tired, sleep sounded especially nice.

When I got into the house, with it being conveniently unlocked thanks to myself, it was quiet which was unusual. If it were any other day I'd have been attacked on the spot asking what I was up to and if I had changed my mind about giving them money.  
"Mom?" I walked from the doorway to the kitchen and saw everything was cleaned up from their lunch unlike before I left when they both were sitting at the table coffee cups and plates littering the wooden surface from their food. I shrugged it off , without them being here ment I could sleep in peace for once without an argument to get my blood boiling before taking a quick nap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha. So I'm sorry this update drags out. 
> 
> Comments are welcome ^^ also thank you for the kudos

I don't enjoy being woken up in the first place , however I really really do not have the fucking mental capacity to deal with being woken up by getting screamed at for taking a nap in the first place, but yet here I was, face down in my pillow trying to remember the better days of when I was sleeping and not dealing with petty shit my parents threw my way. I enjoy when my mother comes into my room and sees me sleeping and decides to wake me up by shouting at the top of her lungs: " are you seriously sleeping in the middle of the day." Well gee, I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my eyes closed. I didn't say that of course so I lay there and took her almost endless loudness until she tired herself out and left. 

I checked my phone that sat next to me on my bed because I forgot to plug it in when I came home , I had a text but I didn't feel like replying to it. It was only 7 pm.  
"Really? " I rolled my eyes and threw my face back into my pillow. Socialization could wait because I needed more sleep. I closed my eyes and left my mind to drift to hell and back and I was out. 

*Skipping a few days *

I sat in my bed casually writing some lyrics down, really they were just random ass words on a piece of paper. Couldn't think of anything useful and thankfully I was saved from the mental hell I was living for the moment when my phone started ringing. 

"Yes?" It was very exaggerated and didn't sound me , but I wasn't very sure who was calling, checking the caller ID wasn't really my fortè.  
"I'm calling for that meeting, meet us at the studio relatively soon." Namjoon sounded tired, like he hadn't slept in 3 days. He was probably busy with all the contract stuff and making the guidelines for the group.  
"I could leave now if that's the case, not like I was doing anything anyway." I started to pick up the stuff spread out on my bed and put it away in my secret spot . 

Once I was so mad I punched a hole in the wall next to my bed so naturally to avoid being in more trouble than I was already in I just put a poster over it , over time I cut a piece of wood and put it at the bottom between the Sheetrock and support beams for the wall and I started putting all my music stuff there to keep it away from my parents. It had worked and it's been years since then. 

I finished getting ready and started to walk out of my bed room. I got halfway down the stairs when I felt something was off, not with me but within the home, again. I slowed my steps until I made it down the stairs and listened. There were no silent whispers from the kitchen and no noise from the bathroom or their bedroom.  
This was getting strange but I had other places to be than to sit and wonder why my parentals weren't in their usual spots. 

I made it to the studio half an hour later after stopping to get some snacks. I figured I was gonna need to eat at some point in life and this meeting was gonna be that point.  
I may have bought some extra things for everyone else too but eh, sometimes I liked to care. I liked seeing their faces light up at the sight of food, It was like watching children on Christmas Day.

I walked into the room with the table but there were no open seats. I usually say next to Jin and teahyung but they were sitting next to each other and jungkook was sitting in the seat next to his which a strange face in then seat next to him.What the fuck.  
"What's going on ?" My voice was as harsh as I meant it to be and it made everyone snap their heads up and look at me, confused at that. 

"Didn't you get my text ?" Jungkook spoke to me with a small voice "I sent you a text a few days ago asking if my friend, who's interested in dancing and singing, could join us for the meeting, but you never answered so I asked Namjoon who approved it. " 

I took out my phone and sure enough there was a text from jungkook in the unread folder. I rolled my eyes. "Next time call me, it may have annoyed me but I wouldn't have been as surprised and pissed off as I am now." I took in a small breath. " who's up for sharing and also here. " I placed the bag of food in the middle of the table," pick what you want I'll eat the rest. " I shot a glance at the new comer going over his features. Small but plump lips, small but beautiful eyes, button nose. He was cute but I was still mad. I made my way next to hoseok who didn't mind sharing a seat with me even if I was mad a bit. He welcomed me in by wrapping his arms around me as I sat on his lap. 

"The first thing I wanna go over is the roles. I'm sure the company will also as this but j wanna make sure that we are prepared. What's your specialty? We will go clockwise ."  
We turned out heads to :  
Seokjin:vocalist  
Teahyung : vocalist  
Jungkook: vocalist, dancer, and rapper  
Hoseok: rapper and dancer  
Yoongi : rapper  
Namjoon: rapper  
We watched Namjoon write everyone's specialty down. I wasn't sure how many questions there were but I'm sure we were gonna be there for a while. 

"Stage names ?"  
Seokjin: Jin  
Teahyung: v  
Jungkook: Jungkook  
Hoseok:j-hope  
Yoongi:suga  
Namjoon: rap monster 

It took 2 hours, two painful hours and we still weren't done. We still had to address the new comer and ask the company if it was ok if we added one member to the list.  
The last question I was sure would cause some sort of disagreement within all of us but I couldn't have been more wrong. 

"We need a leader apparently. So everyone gets one vote and no take backs."  
Seokjin: Namjoon  
Teahyung: Namjoon  
Jungkook: Namjoon  
Hoseok: seokjin  
Yoongi: seokjin  
Namjoon: seokjin 

It was a tie meaning the new comer would brake only. I'm sure that's why Namjoon had accepted him in without calling me. 

"Jimin, would you mind answering some of the questions to help us out ?" Namjoon smiled at Jimin and it made my heart want to throw up but at the same time I also I wanted to throw myself off a bridge. 

The boy nodded and then proceeded to talk.  
" my name is park Jimin, I want my stage name to be just my name , Jimin." He paused and thought about who he wanted to vote for being the leader. I didn't think he knew anyone besides Jungkook but to my surprise , he knew everyone but me. And almost as well as I knew them.  
"I vote Namjoon."  
I moved my body to look at him for a moment in surprise, but my face didn't show it. I had almost fell off hoseok causing him to grab my waist to keep me in place on his lap. I shifted my gaze to hoseok and then to his hands. " loosen your grip." It was a faint whisper since my insides were being shifted to the next dimension. Thankfully no one saw what had happened,so I thought. 

After everything was done and at some point included me and hoseok falling a sleep on one another we all walked out of the studio building.  
"Can I crash at one of your houses ?something is happening in my house and I don't really wanna go and find out any time soon. " I looked at the ground . It wasn't a secret that my parent-child relationship was trash , the only one who really didn't know what I was talking about was Jimin, for obvious reasons and somehow that made me feel better that he was blind to my situation. As far as he knew it was code for 'my parents are doing the dirty and I don't wanna hear it .' 

My best buddy ol pal hoseok offered up. I didn't really stay at his house often nor am I around him as much as I have been but lately he's been bearable to hang with. I almost wanted to ask what was wrong I front of everyone but incase he didn't want them al to know I held it in until we got to his house later. Most of everyone's house was within walking distance from the studio which made it very convenient for us all and we were very thankful for the convenience. 

Everyone was already walking away but I felt someone grab my arm. I turned around to see Jimin standing there with my arm in his grasp.  
"......um.....can I help you ....? He was almost taller than me but he had some help from the shoes he was wearing. He only looked at me and then let my arm go as he turned to walk away, that's when I heard hoseok coming back from playing around with everyone as they were walking home and to their cars. I shrugged the weird feeling off , it's been an odd day today for sure.

The entire walk to hoseok's was quiet as fuck. I could tell he saw Jimin grab my arm and holding me back from the rest of the group while he was messing around with Namjoon and Jin before they left but he didn't talk about or mention it in the slightest. I was fine with that but it also made the air around us awkward a bit. We finally got to his apartment when he turned to look at me, dead serious and causing me to jump back so I didn't run into him .   
"What?" I looked around him avoiding eye contact   
He waited a very long moment before answering which caused me to almost have an anxiety attack. "Did Jimin say anything to you when you guys were standing there?"

I could feel my face go from 'I'm sorry I almost ran into you' shocked to 'what the fuck dose that indicate ?' Resting bitch face. "No, why ?"  
Hoseok turned back around and started to open the door . I lifted my hands up slightly, 'are you fucking. Serious ?' I was more annoyed now than worried about the question he had asked. Who even dose that shit, asks a question, refuses to tell the other what it was about. What the hell?

"I just wanted to know. None of you had met yet until tonight but jungkook and everyone talks about you when he hangs out with us-"   
"What are you guys telling a stranger about me in the first place ?" I cut him off before he could finish as we both walked into the lobby floor of his apartment. His room was at the top, the manager was tired of getting complaints from others about how hoseok was stomping of the floor too much when he danced. We had to take an elevator to get up there and it took a good while at that.

"It's nothing bad yoongi, calm down. Aish. Sometimes Jimin asks about you and well jungkook and Jin are all too friendly when it comes to their close friends so you know how it goes. What did you expect from people you've spent almost your entire life with ?" He clicked the 15 button inside the elevator and the doors closed getting ready to take us up. He smirked a bit, which was unneeded at the current moment.

"I expect to only be brought up when it's in a heated argument and I am the start of it." He was right , what else could I expect from people I've almost lived my entire life with? Jin especially with his mother-like personality , but don't let that fool you. Being a mother was only his cover up, a mask, because deep down he wanted to murder us all for putting him through so much hell over the years. At the top of his list were jungkook and taehyung, they were the biggest shits I've ever seen when they are together having what they call "fun" but to the rest of us their fun was just plain idiocy.

The ding indicated that we had arrived to his floor, thank god. hoseok didn't realize that I wasn't listening to him at all but he still continued to talk the entire way up. I don't even know what he was going on about with me going to focused on wanting to know what Jimin wanted to talk about before we got cock-blocked. I threw my head back before exiting the elevator after my dear pal. Something was going on and I didn't like not knowing what was up.

It has been a while since the last time I came over to my best friends house so when I saw that it was clean, cleaner than my own room, I was shocked to say the least . I walked to the couch and sprawled myself across its cushions. "Ahhhhhh it's been a long day. I'm fuckin tired."

hoseok walked out of his room in the back with clean night clothes on making a noise I assumed that meant he agreed with me. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to over come me but all dreams were shattered when hoseok spoke.

"Are you hungry ? I'll order something or pop some ramen up if you are." I didn't have to look at him to feel him looking at me with his own eyes. I felt a chill run down my spine.

"No, I'm fine. Make yourself something if you are though. I'm gonna pass out." I heard him breath through his nose and start to rummage through whatever food storage he had going on. I felt myself drift off slowly before I was completely in a lucid dream like trance. Still aware of my surroundings yet focused on resting at the same time, it was relaxing and had almost like a high feeling to it. I could no longer hear anything outside of my own head until I felt something move on the couch that wasn't me.

I had to force my eyes open but it was too late. As usual, I was pissed about being woken up but not as pissed as I was being pinned down on the couch by hoseok. He held my arms into the cushion and positioned himself above me.

"hoseok, what in fuck-" he cut me off with his lips pressing into mine. My eyes snapped open as i struggled to remove the heavy male from up off of me. The tip of his tongue poked the edge of my lips. I turned away braking the contact .   
" what are you trying here, hoseok?" Rough and pissed sounding, just as I like my voice.

He let go of my arms but kept himself over me. " go back to sleep." He rolled over to the side between me and the couch and stared at me. I couldn't sleep, how could someone "go back to sleep " after they had just been kissed by their best friend while they were trying to SLEEP ? I wanted answers and I got them as I added everything up.

He cock-blocked me when Jimin waned to talk. He asked to know what Jimin talked to me about And got really quiet for a bit when I told him I had no idea, and then he kissed me. I'd either been too blind to see it before or he hid his feelings for me for a while. I've been to his place countless times before, little to no reason at all, and he's never done anything like this before.

"I want to know what that was all about just now, and don't tell me to go back to sleep again or so help you." I looked him straight into the eyes, there was a bit of light pink airbrushed on his cheeks. It was cute but not enough to make me want to kiss him again, or at all.

He held his hands up in surrender and looked down, probably to look at my shirt covered chest. "I've practiced a lot but there's not time like the present, yoongi." I arched an eyebrow with a still pissed off look on my face. "Recently I've become extremely protective of you and I believe it's not just because we are best friends either. When Jimin asks about you it's not always pg13 and he only asks me which pisses me off but I talk to him to the best of my ability." He continued and I was just getting more annoyed but I didn't want to move from my warm spot so I forced myself to listen.

" I've realized I have a few feelings for you." He stopped. I waited for him to say more but he didn't. I sat there in awe while looking him dead in the eyes. He wasn't lying and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pissed about it, things happen for a reason I guess. But man could this day get any longer ? I just wanted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sugahope had to happen, I'm sorry .


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is where it gets going. I'm gonna add a hoseok yoongi tag too but just know it won't last for very long .... Maybe. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the love !!!
> 
> Edit: 11,12,2016; 2:22 am. I formed some of the chapters together for my own sake and organization. I hope reading will still be a pleasure!

M.Y.  
It was a long while before I fell a sleep. Hoseok fell a sleep before me after our "chat", His own body heat draped over me like a blanket and I was utterly grateful because I was cold as fuck. It was early fall but some people still used their air conditioning systems: my best friend being one of them mainly because he was a walking heater. Every now and then my body would shake and I would look in the corner of my eye to make sure I didn't wake hoseok. I wasnt sure how hard of sleeper he was since I only slept on the couch when I was over and I'm always quiet. I wasn't even sure if he had anyone over besides me since I'd never run into anyone on my way in. 

"Hoseok! Turn that alarm off, I'm still sleeping!" I felt warm all around me and when I opened my eyes I saw that it was a blanket and not hoseok. A frown took place on my face and I wasn't sure why. I didn't have romantic feelings for anyone , I never have. The noise was starting to piss me off but I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from soon enough to stop it from happening again . I threw the blanket off me and sat up on the couch. "Hoseok?!" No answer. Maybe he'd leave a note if he was going somewhere? This was getting too odd. He has never left me here alone before not to my knowledge at least. He was always here when I woke up, his bright and happy self. 

I looked around for my phone when I had remembered I left it in my jacket.  
'10 missed calls from Kim seokjin '  
"Great. " I took a deep breath and hit the call back button and waited. It only rung three times before Jin had picked up. 

"Where the fuck are you ?!" Well there was something new: miss motherlyness seokjin cussing and screaming in my ear.  
"Hoseok's, why?" I'll admit I was a bit curious as to what was going on to get the mom of the group more worried than he usually was.  
"You need to get to the studio right now! " he'd hung up on the phone before I could ask why. I looked at the time: 1:30 pm. I let out a breath and started to get up Grabbing my jacket and locking the door on my way out. Everything exciting happens to me and only me it seems. The walk was cold, just like my soul. 

. . . .  
P.J  
Everyone arrived to the studio around 8 am. Everyone but yoongi . I was confused as to what was going on but I went along with it. I helped put some streamers up with tae tae and kookie who laughed every chance they could. I was a little disappointed that I didn't see yoongi when I got here but then seokjin told everyone to hush when he said yoongi was calling him. He sounded so worried, more than usual when he talks to the group when I'm around. I was even more confused about the reason he had a worrying voice but I had put together that there was going to be a party, most likely for yoongi. Why though,Was it his birthday or something like that? 

"Alright everyone hurry and get ready, he is on his way!" Seokjin said in a hurried hushed voice. Everyone ran to the other side of the table and crouched down with the lights off. I was excited, not because I got to see yoongi again but because everyone would be together again and it would be a fun time. Everyone shuffled as they tried to find a comfortable position to sit at. Jungkook, taehyung, on each side of me heseok , Namjoon, seokjin went down the line in that order. 

Everyone stopped when the door started to jiggle. Thinking back I didn't see seokjin lock the door but I was glad he did because no one was quite enough until they heard the door knob. When it had opened and the lights had been turned back on in the dark room, everyone jumped up yelling, some yelling surprise, me one of the voiced surprises. 

The look on yoongi's face wasn't much. He looked pissed, excited, and confused. I started to wonder if it was his birthday or not but I was reassured constantly by Jungkook who kept yelling "happy birthday to you !" Over and over like a scratched CD. It was a fun and happy time before we all started training to be idols. I had over heard Namjoon on the phone telling a big name that he had all the information and such for all of us and when he was done he told everyone but yoongi that we didn't have to go in and do an interview with the manager and that we were all set up and started soon. 

 

. . . .  
M.Y.

I hadn't really remembered my birthday was coming up as my parents refused to celebrate it after my 15th birthday. It was a financial disaster. Not even the few friends I invited showed besides the group, minus Jimin. The entire thing just ended up in my room with some blankets and some old music playing before we all passed out for school the next day. 

I was quite surprised when I opened the door to see everything decorated and a cake in the middle of our table when the lights were turned on causing everyone to jump up from behind the table. A tiny not notable smile found its way to the edge of my lips but disappeared the second I was attacked by happy Jungkook and taehyung. 

While everyone ate cake and calmed down Namjoon asked for our attention.  
" so I called the company to let them know we have all of our information ready for the interview ,whenever that would be, and they told me to send it in to them as soon as I could." He paused and I could tell something was t quite right. Everyone was calm around me and not asking questions pushing Namjoon to say more. He still continued.

"They then told me that there was no interview needed because they want everyone, including Jimin, to start training within the upcoming months." He handed us all some papers. "These are their guidelines for us to go over. The manager had asked me to emphasize that 'if relationship(s) is formed while we are training or when we debut we are to keep a low profile about it in the public, no questions asked.' I'm assuming same sex relationships are not very rare in the idol life. " Namjoon looked down but I knew he was looking at me. It wasn't a secret that I questioned my own sexuality to the group and myself. And never having any form of romantic relationship in my life had made the questions deepen...slightly. I was quietly jumping with joy when the words reached my ears through my own thoughts. I was gonna be an idol and with my friends. A smile spread on my face and it made the room go quiet for a moment. I was brought back to the room when I was hugged by every person present, including Jimin. 

Heseok had chosen to sit quite close to me the entire time while we ate cake and watched a movie as my birthday gift from everyone. I didn't mind it until he started to place his hand on my thigh half way into the movie. The room was darkened for the enjoyment of the film for everyone at my request and someone took it as an open invitation to place their hands on me even after I had removed them a few times in the beginning of the movie. It was getting annoyed moving his hand of so I left it sitting on my leg. He was gonna pay for it later. 

When the movie was over and the lights turned back on everyone looked sleepy. I took out my phone to check the time. 10:00 pm, how time flies when you're with the best people on earth. (Not mentioning the new comer and mr. Hansey)  
"Thank you guys,I had a lot of fun today. Wouldn't know how to celebrate a birthday if it weren't for you all." I wasn't lying and they knew that and laughed at the truth. Namjoon and Jin were the first to leave when everyone walked outside the building. We waved at them and huddled in the small group we had become without them. 

"Me and tae were wondering if you guys wanted to come with us to the bar? It's still early out. " Jungkook looked directly at me but the invite was for Jimin and hoseok and I .  
"Not tonight." I shook my head "I've got to brake the news to my parents that I'm moving out and won't ever be talking to them again. " out of the corner of my eye I saw Jimin slightly move his eyes to look at me , worry filled. Ignoring it I started to walk in the direction of my parents house. Something told me I should do it later and not tonight but I wanted to get the shit done and over with as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a suggestion or tip for me to improve my writing ? Let me know on Twitter @shannkaradunfee or @MissMinYoongiKook 
> 
> Love you beans


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I have things a Rollin to a good start. 
> 
> I know my voice sounds a bit different now than it did in the first chapter but don't worry sailor yoongi will be back soon with even more profanity. 
> 
> Stay true my beans

M.Y.

I stood I front of the front door mulling my head over and over for the words to use:  
'Take all the money I've saved so far and never contact me again!'   
'I'm leaving forever, please don't look for me.' 

None of them perfectly fit how I felt about the situation, sad. 

I took a deep breath and opened the door, open, as always. It was only ever locked when I was there. It was dark within the house, no lights on anywhere within eyesight. I look in the kitchen, turning all the lights on as I went, no one was there, but their usual set was. They were in the house somewhere and I had to go look for them. I closed my eyes, brought my hands to my face and tried to rub the annoyance and frustration off, it didn't work. 

Their room, living room, back room, office, all empty. The only room left to look was, my own . 

It hadn't occurred to me that they might be in there. why would they even step foot in my room? I took the first two steps of the stairs in a quiet leap and climbed the rest without a sound. Whatever they were doing I needed to catch them in the act.

 

The shock on their faces were both satisfying and angering .

-a few moments ago-   
Standing, watching through the cracked opening of the room, they searched through the stuff. Blankets all over the floor with a hit of clothes from the dresser and closet . Desk drawer opened and empty on the Bare bed. 

-now-   
I stood there, my expression was grim, pissed off. I looked them in the eyes.  
"What are you doing in my room, when I'm not home ?" Calm and smooth and it scared them.  
They looked at each other before speaking and wiped the shock of being found from their faces. 

"This is my house. I pay the bills. I'm allowed in your room wether you're here or not." dads voice was low but it trembled. Why were they so afraid? What was there to be afraid of ? Mom turned around and picked up a few items from off my bed from my desk drawer. 

"Why do you have these ? " she outstretched her hard toward me. A lighter, a cigarette stick, and a small Baggie with round candy like pills in it were looking me in the eyes again for the first time in 5 years. "I'm glad we decided to go through your things . " she continued. 

I stopped listening and started to walk towards her and snatched the items from her hand and threw them back onto the bed. "You may pay the bills, when you have the money to do so , but you have no right to touch my possessions that I have bought myself with my own money. " 

They both took a few steps back away from me as I started walking towards them. I was in the room all the way and shut the door behind me quietly locking it. How dare they walk into my room and mess things up when I had just gotten everything neat and orderly before I left. 

I haven't felt like this in a while, to rage , bloodlust. They stopped walking back when they bumped my desk causing a few things to shake and rattle before settling. And then I was calm, or so it appeared on the surface . Resting bitch face returned to its home while I reached under my mattress. I slowly pulled out a knife with brass knuckles as the handle. 

I placed each finger in their respective holes in my left hand and looked up at them.   
Scared and pale is how I would describe them but I couldn't care, I just wanted them out of my room and out of my life for good. 

Mother was first-father was last and a puddle of blood lay underneath them soaking their clothes. I reached for my phone in my back pocket. 

 

To ZICO :   
I need a favor. Call me asap. 

 

After I had sent the text I turned to what was left of the clothes in my closet and started to pack my things that I was gonna need and that couldn't be replaced.   
I had just finished changing my clothes when my phone started to ring. 

"It's been a while. What's the issue?" 

"I raged about 39, 40 minutes ago and killed my parents. I'll pay you and shit, I just need someone to clean it up for me. I'll handle the rest. " I didn't sugar coat anything that didn't need to be because Zico knew me, the me my friends had no idea about. 

I heard a small sigh from the other end of the line. " you were doing great, what triggered you ?" 

I knew he wasn't as annoyed as he made himself sound and he genuinely cared about me to no ends. " I came home to them in my room looking for my money I've been saving up to leave this place. Everything was thrown across the floor and emptied on my bed and shit. It's a mess and it still is , can you please help me out ?" I cringed at myself for begging like a child. 

"I will because I love you , and because you were on such a long good streak, I'll do it for free and out of the kindness of my heart." Zico boosted his ego a little more since the last time we had a conversation. 

I laughed at his conclusion. " thank you. I'll be sure to credit you when I'm famous in a few years." Zico scoffed and hung up the phone. 

 

-5 years ago - (third person ) 

 

Yoongi walked out of the airport and breathed in the clean air deeply. The plan was simple, fool proof, even for the older himself; play the booked parties , get paid, leave , go home with a pocket full of cash to add to the savings. Yet he still managed to mess it up in the slightest of ways and the rest was a domino effect that wasn't meant to almost kill him. 

The last club he was booked at had a late gig which threw everything off and set his own appointment back 3 hours. Instead of waiting for the performers before him to finish, he opted to wander around the city and brows the shops that were still open at 6pm. 

The neon lights faded behind him as he walked further and further down the sidewalk. Sign after sign passed him slowly as he took in the calming scene that was evening.

He stopped abruptly when a sign caught his attention : ZICO'S house.   
It was white and the lettering was black , plain and simple . Yoongi walked through the door not sure what he was expecting to see. Life was about taking chances and so was he . "Why live if you're just going to die?" His life's motto passed through his mind as soon as he shut the door. 

It was nice looking inside ; a dark brown carpet under his feet and white walls surrounding him. Yoongi walked up to the counter which was just at hip height for him so he wasn't able to lean on it like he'd wanted. The bell dinged signaling that he was waiting to be served. 

He had 3 hours to kill , why not have a little fun for himself , he was of age after all and didn't quite have the best 18th birthday for himself before he left Seoul to travel for his music. The woman from the desk brought up an clipboard from under the small counter.she was dressed elegantly in a white low cut dress. Her tits were fake , but it didn't matter, not to yoongi who still found her quite attractive but not so much that he wanted to pounce on her. He started to fill out the papers. 

He questioned his sexuality more than once, never feeling very attracted to women , or anything really. He was starting to question his entire life as he filled out the forms. 

Preferred age, submissive or dominant, specials. 

What was he even in to ? What did he like? What did he hate? Needless to say, filling out the forms was a task on its own that left more questions unanswered for himself to mull over when he was back home. He'd talk to Namjoon about them when the man wasn't busy with collage. 

Yoongi had settled on leaving most of it blank and only marking what he thought was important information for later use. He wanted to experiment a little. he handed the clipboard back and waited while the woman walked towards the back rooms only to come out moments later asking for him to follow her. Obligingly he did , a little curious as to why he was following her past the rooms with the workers in them but he didn't speak up. 

They had arrived to a big door, you could probably walk a horse through it and still have room to spare, on it in gold letters read : ZICO. He was nervous as hell on the inside but maintained his composure on his face. He walked through the right hand door into a large room that looked more comfortable than a 5 star hotel. In the middle of the room was a desk and a man who sat behind it. 

His hair was a chocolate brown and shaved on one side the rest of it pushed off to the other side. A red jacket was draped over his shoulders. He didn't look much folder than yoongi himself, maybe a year or so. He was holding some papers in his hands, that were sporting exotic looking rings. 

He placed the papers down on the desk and looked at yoongi with his brown eyes half lidded. Yoongi heard the door shut behind him and it was suddenly just him and the manager of this fine establishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop , yoongi flashback. Character development, drama. 
> 
> Any questions comment them away


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long. I've got 35 fanfics I'm reading that update weekly and ish and just omg . I'm a wreck but here is my life handed to you. 
> 
> Also CONGRATS TO OUR BOYS FOR THEIR HARD WORK. THEY ARE EARNING EVERY AWARD THEY ARE GETTING. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 
> 
> ALSO SHAMLESS AD : @Shannkaradunfee   
> Follow me on Twitter

...   
Z.

"The papers brought to me, you're new here right ?" I looked up without the moving of my head to help. The younger man stood before me, head down. Smart kid. 

"I'm new to this establishment but not the city. I've been around a few times before but that was it." He still kept his eyes to the floor. 

"What brings you here then?" I place the papers down on my desk and fold my hands in front of me. 

"I'm a dj.... up the street for the club rose this week." Hesitation, yet still willing to share. 

I smiled to ease his nerves a tad. " I admire what you've written down on the forms here. Surprisingly, not very many people share the same tastes as you which is why I've called you here." His head slowly rose to meet my soft gaze that was set on him. 

"What do you mean?" His face contorted into something of confusion and dred. 

I smiled and let out a small chuckle. "This isn't just a whore House, it's a safe house. " the enjoyment I was getting from his face as I drew out the inevitable. " for my...team.." I smiled more sincerely trying to ease his worry. Would have to be a big shame to let this kind of opportunity walk out the door in a hurry. 

Seeming to have worked, the younger sister face turned Into pure curiosity. "What kind of team?" His voice was interested. Got 'EM. 

 

M.Y. 

Money was my only objective when I joined ZICO'S gang of thugs and on the side I continued doing music for more money to live but neither helped me much seeing as I had to spend it as soon as It hit the bank known as my wallet. 

Being ZICO'S second in command after showing him how much worth I could be to him not only helped me to almost get what I wanted for free but it also gave me the power to do as I pleased within his bounds and restrictions. 

I was also his hit man, killing anyone who thought they could oppose my leader or try and get out of the gang with money and drugs that didn't belong to them. Needless to say I quickly scored a double number count before I had asked Zico if I could come back to Seoul to seek out a musical career some 8 months later. That was when my parents had changed into the people they were. They knew little to none about anything that I was doing. Only telling them where I would be living and that I had found a job that required me to stay for a while.

He trusted me more so than anyone else and in promise with my departure I was to come to him if he were to ever need me. A drop everything, even at a moments notice, kind of deal and I agreed to it but it was me this time who needed him and his skills, the first time in 5 years. 

A knock at the door 1 hour later shook me out of my thoughts before they could get too dark and detailed. I took the trip down the stairs to open the door to the familiar face. Disputes living in a different town quite a bit away he had always managed to get where he needed to be pretty fast compared to some. 

"Show me the damage, yoon." He walked in with a few men behind him who bowed in my presence. Not bothering to return the respect, I lead Zico up the stairs to my bedroom. 

We arrived and I still felt no guilt.   
"They must have really struck a nerve for you to hack them into nothing." Inspecting the scene with his hand to his chin like it was the only thing holding his head in place. 

"I just need the boddies and blood cleaned up. Like I said, I can handle the rest of it all. I'm sorry to have called you for something like this, I just can't risk myself doing it now that I'll have people up my ass 24/7 , literally." 

He stopped looking at the bodies and looked up at me instead. "What do you mean?" A puzzled and concerned look took over his face. 

"I was going to talk with you about this also; I'm going to be an idol, an official idol. So shits gonna get difficult if you need me. " I looked at the floor. I knew he was pondering over the news, I expected that. 

"I'm glad to hear that you've finally made your dreams come true , yoongi. I still expect you to wait hand and foot for me though. Leave the under the radar shit to me." He smiled and held out his hand for me to shake. 

I wasn't expecting that to be his reply. 

I took his hand in mine and he pulled me into a hug. "I'm very proud of you." His breath hot on my neck. There was sincerity to his voice, he really meant what he was saying. It made me feel happy to know those around me besides my friends supported me and my dream. I hugged him back and we stayed like that while his goons started to pick up the mess I had left for them. 

.......

I knew I didn't really like girls to a point but I also never really tried to flirt with them or with boys for that matter. The only thing that I was responsible for caring about was myself and even then i didn't really care. I had Namjoon, Jin, hoseok, and taehyung as my friends in primary school, Jungkook found his way into our group when taehyung was in his last year of high school. They were close for being friends but it didn't matter much to me. 

When I had left to go out of town they would always check up on me. Calling and texting me asking when I would be back. It was always the same reply no matter what. I didn't know if I wanted to go back to Seoul or not , I didn't really have the heart to.   
....

"Are you sure you want to do this ?"   
"Yea, otherwise I wouldn't have started to rub up on you." 

There was a moment of silence before I felt the rubbing of hands on my body. ZICO'S fringe was splayed out on the pillow exposing both of his eyes that looked up to mine. 

"You're right but we need to change position, I ain't tryin to be the bitch here." He had a smile to his face but I knew he was only half joking. 

It'd been two months since I joined and became the leaders right hand man and with that came a bond and a need. It started out with subtle kissing and touching when we were alone, until I got more comfortable about it. It could have been a gang boss or one of his employees it didn't matter because I was always next to him or on his lap while he discussed work or plans and he would play with my hands or rub my back. 

Over time I could tell it was just to calm him down and destress him, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having him touch me and only me. 

..  
"What's wrong? You haven't talked to me in like 5 hours, that's almost not normal even for you." I watched Zico get ready for his day at the office, then he stopped waiting for me to answer. 

"What do you mean? You know I didn't really talk much from the start..." My voice trailed off much to my opposal. I heard a chuckle come from him that sounded closer than what he was. I looked up and he was inches from my face.   
"You know what I mean. What have you been thinking about that's causing you to be distant from me? You know I won't hurt you if you're honest." Sincerity , it was the truth.   
"I've just been thinking about my friends." I lied. I was good at that, exceptional even given my line of work I had to be. 

"You can go see them whenever you like you know that. I'm not forcing you to stay in this town forever. You just can't leave the gang, you're too important to me and the business." 

What exactly was I to him though. This, it didn't feel like any kind of relationship I've seen others have. Having sex and being semi-intimate, was that a relationship? I should have fucking tried it out with someone more experienced. 

"I wanna try and live my music career again, soon maybe in a few months? I love working with you, boy do I but my dream-" 

"Like I said, you can do what you want as long as you don't leave the gang, suga." He smiled and kissed me bruising my lips just slightly as he pressed his onto mine.   
.......

I crumbled in his arms. "I've missed you so much, and I didn't even realize it until just now. I'm so sorry I didn't communicate with you for 5 years. I was just so-" 

"It's ok. Come with me to the living room, I've been needing to talk to you for a long time. " he let me go and drug me through the hall and down the stairs to the living room. The house was quiet for once and I was enjoying it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get interesting. I'd love to hear what y'all are thinking. 
> 
> Love you beans


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the best filler chapter I've ever made , praise. I was on a roll for a good 2 days.

....  
Z.

"what do you have to eat?" The refrigerator door was wide open but there was no food inside. I shut it and walked over to the couch where youngi sat. 

"I'm not sure. They never bought food for me to eat with them. I always had to buy my own shit whenever I got hungry on that rare occasion. " he didn't bother at looking at me, I could understand why. It's not everyday you get to speak of your parents in the past tense hours after you've killed them. 

"now that you mention it you do look a lot more thinner than when you were with me. Makes me wonder what kind of hell they had put you through." 

"nothing I couldn't handle, you know that I'm not that helpless." he looked at me with truth in his eyes and I gave him a light smile. 

"I truly have missed you, yoong. 

That brings me to what I've been needing to talk to you about;  
Some shit went down at HQ and I need a place to be for a week until it's settled down back home. Would it be OK if I stay with you?" 

.......  
M.Y. 

why does he want to stay with me? What happened to his home in the Americas?   
worry started to creep up into my face. "what do you mean, what's going on?" 

I'd love for him to stay with me but I had my friends I also needed to think about. None of them knew why I stayed out of town for almost a year and I really wanted it to stay like that but if any of them saw zico with me there would be questions I'd have to answer and lies, none of which I wanted to spew from my mouth. 

And hoseok, he's another issue entirely. Zico still loved me, we never really called it off, whatever it was we had going on, when I chose to pursue music again. Hoseok and his crush on me needed to be kept on the down low or I had to master up that I was with someone and I'm not sure how he would react to that. 

Zico took in a breath and scratched the back of his head nervously, " a new rival gang with a lot more money than 'block B' has challenged me for my properties and business. I don't have the necessary equipment and man power to return the challenge so I'm under the radar for a bit. But I'm working on it so don't worry your head." he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my body closer to his. 

He was shaking. I kept my face as bitchy as I could but I was scared for him. should I tell him? What if he sends one of his men to get Hoseok? 

'So fucking nerve wracking; Get over it.'

"I have....something I wanna ask you too." I crossed my legs and folded my arms all while looking down. 

Fucking kill me, why am I like this with him?

He waited for me to continue, how gentleman like of him.   
"go a head princess. What ever it is I'm sure I'll understand, try to anyway." He corrected himself.

'hes gonna kill him and it will be your fault.'   
He won't, he loves me right?

" one of my friends, since my childhood days, he's recently," deep breath, keep breathing, I'm gonna pass out. " he has recently come out to me and expressed his feelings for me. " 

Beautiful, great fucking job you twit. I hope he understood that jumbled shit. 

He didn't say anything but his arm flexed around me. He was thinking, comprehending, the sentence, I could almost hear his thoughts over my own. 

"z...?"   
A pair of recently licked lips came into contact with my cheek leaving a wet imprint behind.  
"what did you tell him?" The smell of coffee rushed to my nose.   
When did he have coffee? 

'Very observant, good thing he's not here to kill us.' 

"I didn't tell him anything, I didn't know how to feel. To be completely honest with you, I couldn't even remember being in a relationship at all until a few hours ago. Those two ass holes went through my memory drawer. everything I ever gotten from you and that town was in there and that's when it all came back and I snapped. I didn't really mean to kill them, well for the most part. I forgot I was actually capable of killing others. I don't remember why or what happened to make me wanna forget everything. I even forgot your name was in my phone thanks to my antisocial tendencies." My arms fell to my side and my legs felt numb, my entire body felt like I wasn't capable of feeling much less move when I wanted it to. 

The tightness in my stomach lifted when I looked Zico in the eyes when His hands gently raised my chin in his direction. "It's ok. I'm not mad or anything, ok? Sometimes things just happen and as long as you didn't make a move on him or vice versa then all is forgiven. You're still mine for all intensive purposes, good or bad, min.Yoon.gi." 

'You got lucky this time, you better hope our friend doesn't do anything stupid.' 

What do I do now? 

'Nothing. You know there's nothing we can do. Why are you even asking? Stupid.' 

Lips on mine, gentle and loving. Just a quick peek of what was to come apperently.   
"Let's go to your parents room, they looked like the type who loved to be adventurous in bed." He smiled wickedly. I followed him with hesitation. It's been 5 years since having any type of sexual interest with anyone, not even doing it myself. I just never felt the need or I was too busy making music or being depressed from not making anything good. 

We made it up the stairs to the room at the end of the long hall. I'd never been in my parents room before, not even as a child. It was a dimly lit room with one window that was covered by heavy black drapes. The dresser, headboard, and desk were made of a dark wood, it all looked heavy, probably needed 5 people alone to carry the dresser and desk up the stairs. The bed sheets were fluffy looking, very warm I'm sure, with it being fall and everything. The bed was made for the day and waited for the lifeless couple to return , but they never will. Not any more. I smiled to myself , damn right I was proud. I'd forgotten how thrilling it was to have the life of someone else within my grasp. 

'You've forgotten many things that we used to do.' 

I felt my body come into contact with the fluff of the bed.   
"Have you been working out or something ?" The lack of effort it took that man to fling me into the bed was astonishing. 

He shook his head," no, you're just very light now. You must have went back to your old ways."   
I didn't even have to confirm his suspicions, he knew he was right. He always was. 

'Make him worry, you know you want to.' 

He returned to kissing me not long after the pause. It's not like I wasn't eating on purpose, I just didn't have much time and I was always so tired to move. I didn't really notice how much my body had changed, I guess. 

"Ah, fuck. Try not to mark me just yet, I still have to meet the managers of the company this week. " I felt teeth bite into the soft flesh on my neck. I was a bit disappointed to feel him obey my wish but thankful in the least. Saves me from having to explain. 

Zico moved down and lifted my shirt up and started kissing my belly, slowly making his way up to my abdomin. Before he could do much we both jumped at the loud raining of my phone which was unfortunately in my back pocket. He groaned into my chest before licking a stripe all the way down to the top of my blue jeans. " something tells me we will have to save this room for later." He smiled. 

I sat up and quickly retrieved my phone from my pocket and answered it.   
"I'm busy, what?" The hostility. I saw Zico move next to me bringing his hand up to his face to muffle a giggle. Slightly adorable, in my opinion. 

"I just wanted to know if you were coming back to my place tonight to get your stuff. " Zico stiffened.   
" I'll just come later, I'm in the middle of something really important right now. Just out my charger and shoes in a bag by the door. I'm not sure when I'll have time to get it."   
I heard a hum from the other line and then the phone went dead. I removed it from my ear and tried to turn it back on.   
"Probably gonna be needing that charger soon." I tossed the phone to the side of me and leaned back on to the bed. Zico was still next to me.   
"So what was that about ?" There was a slight annoyed sound to his voice. I had nothing to be scared of, it's not like hoseok jumped me or anything while I was there. 

"I was having issues with authority, as usual, and I went to stay the night at his house since its a bit more closer to the studio than my house is, nothing happened besides me freezing to death. He seems to think fall is a joke around here and keeps his ac on high blast. And him confessing to me." I paused, I felt my insides starting to twist into knots. Why though?   
Zico must have noticed something change because he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me.   
" after that I fell a sleep and woke up to the apartment empty this morning only to be called...into the studio for a surprise birthday party.... My chest really hurts..." I clutched my shirt just below my collarbones. 

'You're welcome. I'm helping us.' 

I closed my eyes and let Zico rock me in his hold. Why was he being so careful now, what's changed in the past 5 years? 

...  
Z.  
Poor boy was having one hell of an anxiety attack. I felt bad for yoongi, it made my heart brake to see him such a mess before me. I scooped him up into my arms and gently rocked him trying my best to get him to calm down.   
"It will be ok, just sleep for now. Tell me everything when you wake up. It's late anyway."  
I laid him on the massive mound of pillows and looked around for a blanket to cover him with. Maybe he'd have one in his room.   
I quietly made my way down the hall back into his room. My med were almost done cleaning up, their work was so well done it didn't even look like there had been 2 brutality cut up bodies in here with blood all over.   
There was still a mess on his bed. I walked over to it curious about what he had kept with him. 

A ring: a silver band if you just glanced at it, it looked normal. Closer inspection would lead you to the engraving on the inside; to min yoongi suga, Z.   
A white lighter and a few cigarettes: he only started smoking after the 50th bodie, that day was a rough one, but the after argument sex was amazing.   
Pills: I had given these to him to help his train of thought, they worked impeccably well especially for him.   
A Polaroid picture of us together on the day he told me he wanted to come back. He was smiling, happy, I missed his black hair but blond made him look more like an adult.   
A crumpled piece of paper lay facedown on the bed a bit further away from the rest.   
I grabbed it and turned it over:   
'Day 256,  
I'm not sure how much longer I can keep things from my friends about my 'vacation'.   
The voice won't go away, he keeps telling me things and I end up believing every word. I don't know what to fucking do anymore. My heart tells me to go back but my mind is telling me ' no don't, he never wanted to be with you from the start, he just wanted you to do his dirty business for him so he didn't have to lift a finger. His love was artificial and you fell for it because you were a fool.'   
He loved me, I know he did. He would have killed me the moment I asked to leave if he didn't, wouldn't he ? Would he had still let me go if he didn't love me like I think he dose ?  
Min yoongi , day 402 I think.  
I haven't heard him since that day.   
mom and dad keep nagging me for more and more money. I'm finally giving up on trying to help them , they did this to themselves so it's not my issue. Not anymore. I've   
The new scars aren't as pink anymore, I think I've finally found the way out for good. This will be my last entry for good. If I ever read this or open this drawer again for any reason, even if by mistake, I don't know what will happen if all the memories wash back into my mind at once.   
If I ever have this happen repeat the list of steps in your secret spot. ' 

I put the note back where it was face down.   
"Take everything on this bed and put it back in the drawer and put it in my car. The. Clean the entire room spotless and leave until further instructions are given. Thank you." They bowed and got to work as I walked out with a thick blanket and a heavy heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what to think about yoonco yet but it's a work in progress . 
> 
> There's gonna be some shit that's gonna go down in the future. 
> 
> Comments are welcome as well as tips. 
> 
> Love you beans


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write smut and need help so anyone with the knowledge please help,lmao.

...  
M.Y.  
"Yoon, hey, wake up!" I slowly came to from my deep sleep. I felt unrested and more tired than when I went to sleep. Zico stood over me with something in his hand that wasn't on my shoulder. "Your phone has been going off for the past 15 minutes. Who's stubborn mother?" 

I let out a huff and sat up the best I could. My arms felt numb and useless.   
"He's the eldest of my group. Hand it here."   
I held out my hand and he placed my phone in my palm.  
It started buzzing again "hello." My throat felt scratchy and Horace 

"I've been calling you for the past hour, how do you sleep so hard? Anyway, hoseok came by the studio with your stuff , he won't be home today so he brought it by for you to get and he wanted me to leave you a message, 'next time you ask me to hold your stuff and leave my door unlocked for you all night, don't leave me hanging.' He cussed too but I'm not repeating that." 

"Okay mother. " Zico let out a breath of a laugh next to me as he sat down.   
"I don't know why you all keep calling me mother, I'm just watching out for all of you idiots, And who is with you? I hear someone breathing loudly or laughing back there."   
"This is why we call you mom. I've got to go,I'm busy. I'll come down to the studio tonight maybe."   
"Alright ." Jin hung up the phone and I turned mine off. 

"Did you charge my phone last night ?" I looked over to Zico who was busy trying to bury himself under my arm. 

"Yeah, I brought my phone along and I need a charger too but yours needed it more." I tightened my arm around his neck. 

"You didn't have to do that. Thank you." I released his neck and let my back fall against the bed. "I'm still so tired. Where did I stop at last night, if you're still interested in wanting to know stuff?" 

He nodded, " of course I still want to know. You left off at the birthday party everyone threw for you at the studio, which by the way I'd love to see while I'm here. Continue." 

I nodded, if he wanted to see it , I should make it a day when no one is there which is going to be hard. 

" right , so they threw me a birthday at the studio , it went on for a while , then we watched a movie and it was around 10 I think, 10 pm. anyway, after every one went their separate ways. When I came home I was choosing how to brake it to mom and dad how I wasn't going to be their financial support any longer. I opened the door looked in the kitchen and fount that it was empty so I walked around the house until I got to my room that's when I heard the shuffling of things and them quietly talking. 

'I know it's here, where haven't we looked yet?   
I don't know, maybe we should start taking things off the walls, like the movies. maybe he has a safe behind one of these posters.'   
That's when I walked into the room and asked them what they were doing. Dad got defensive saying that this was his house and was allowed to enter my room when I'm not there. This pissed me off, who wouldn't it piss off, really. " Zico nodded in agreement and moved to turn onto his side while I was still on my back and let his arm fall across my chest gently. 

" I told them that they had no right to touch the things I've bought with my own money from the job I have that they didn't know about. They never liked my music dream, always saying I wasn't good enough and no one would notice a shitty musician. Jokes on them, right? They didn't know how wrong they were.   
That's when mom grabbed the stuff from my drawer. I don't regret what happened but I wish it went down in a different way. I don't know why it happened or why I reacted like that but what's done is done I guess." I closed my eyes. It was still dark in the room thanks to the drapes and I was very thankful.   
"Thank you for coming to my rescue, z." 

...  
Z.   
All I could think about as he talked to me about the events that lead him to call me was the note.   
What did he do to make himself forget everything 5 years ago? Who was the "voice"? 

I almost hated myself for making him stay but I'm selfish so I was more glad I kept him by my side than regretful.   
"I'm glad you called me. I was starting to wonder why you stopped talking to me." I tried to play it off like I was genuinely curious and didn't read a note about him almost killing himself over a severe mental breakdown. 

"Hey," I didn't know if it was a good time or not to ask but I wanted to jump him so bad. It's been too long.   
I heard a hum come from his nose. " did you still want to explore the wonders of this room,Or at least make it ours while I'm here?" I lifted myself up off the bed with my elbows managing to sprawl my entire body on top of his. Even if he said no, I was still gonna be comfortable laying on his chest. It was still well into the morning but I figured I should ask just incase since we were alone. 

He let out a soft breath and moved a few strands of his blond hair from his face and looked me in the eyes with a smile.   
"It's been a very long time so I may be a little rusty."   
"Are you teasing or informing me ?" I let out a soft chuckle and kissed him gently, testing the waters before anything got to far. 

No regrets. 

When he kissed back harder in response to my lips I felt it was the green light to go. Throwing all sanity out the window I dove in for the kill. Biting his bottom lip every chance I could taking advantage of it until I tasted the metallic tinge of blood on my tongue. Soft gasps and intakes of air filled my ears driving me further. I moved from his lips the his soft beautiful gently toned neck kissing and nipping at it, teasing. I was the best at it he couldn't deny even for a second. He let out a throated moan as I sucked a mark just below the collar of his shirt remembering not to make any marks that would be noticeable upon first glance. 

"I think....we should leave the toys for later....ya?" Already a panting mess, I spit whatever I could out hoping it would make sense. He nodded into my lips. It's been too long. 

I Quickly pulled his shirt up and over his head and threw it to the floor aimlessly taking mine off next.   
My lips returned to kissing his lips with a little less force.

(I'm sorry I dead ass can not write smut lmao) 

....  
P.J. 

I sat with Jungkook and taehyung in the corner of a club, it was quiet for a dancing club as far as people went but the music was still nice, had a good beat to it and everything. I watched the two from where I sat as they mingled with the few people on the dance floor; taehyung really just moving here and there while Jungkook was going all out, hips moving against tae, both laughing like they just didn't have an argument over who was better, iron man or captain America. Tae had a good point, he was the strongest even without a shield but Jungkook's main argument was that iron man was more smart and could do anything as long as he put his mind to it even without lifting a single weight, yet he was still ripped. I let their argument go on sipping my nonalcoholic beverage since I had to drive these two bozos home. 

I couldn't stop thinking about yoongi, hating myself for getting attached before I even knew him. It was always like this but it hurt with the thought that he might not even share the same feelings towards me as I do him. I was gonna confess to him the first night I saw him in person but I froze, I fucking froze. I second guessed my choice of drink as I sipped up the rest of it through the straw. I really should have went full vodka tonight. 

We left the club a little past midnight and headed for home, I kept feeling eyes on me while I drove. I turned my head around a quick second to find tae looking at me with kookie a sleep, head on his lap. 

"What's wrong tae?" I focused my attention back to the road. 

"Did you have fun with us tonight even without yoongi ? You looked like you were pretty miserable. Kookie noticed it too and we got to talking. You do remember when we told you he wasn't exactly the one to come out with all of his feelings on the spot right ? It takes him a little longer to actually feel anything than the average human. You shouldn't get stuck over him for too long. You'll only hurt yourself and we don't want that to happen to you ." I nodded to his words 

"I'm okay tae, I promise I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to myself ." I gave him a full smile in the rearview mirror before looking back at the road. We were just a few more blocks from the apartment we three shared. It was nice having people with you rather than living alone in an abandoned house with holes in the floors and roof in some areas. I didn't miss my old life and I was excited to be started a new one with 6 other people who I've come to call my friends. 

I pulled into the driveway and out the small car into park before getting out to help tae bring kookie in, who was a very hard sleeper and very fucking heavy. After everyone was situated and said their good nights I went to my room. I didn't have anything on the walls, there were only a bed, night table, and a dresser the occupied the room, and I liked it this way. It was organized and left room for the imagination and when I felt like practicing my dancing , which had been quite often lately as more and more stress was being added to my pile waiting to topple over me the moment it gets to be too much. 

I breathed out a sigh and took my socks off placing them inside one another and then on my night table. Too tired to remove my jeans or anything else for that matter I rolled to my side and closed my eyes and waited for tomorrow to bring me some good news. Maybe meet yoongi at the studio again or go to the practice room and see what new things hoseok has to offer me. 

My thoughts went blank as sleep took me under its wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things for my beans:   
> I'm sorry for this train wreck. I had a vision but then realized I can't smut.
> 
> I'm gonna be going on a trip here soon for two weeks and not sure how much writing I'll get done but I will definitely try XD maybe I'll finally have the smut I've been meaning to add. 
> 
> Comments, kudos, tips, hate, idc lol all is welcome . Thank you for putting up with my lame ass .
> 
> Love you my beans. Enjoy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk when the next update will be. Ima be in Florida for two weeks for le holiday. I leave this Saturday and I won't be back to hell Texas until the 28th, but I'll try.

I can't smut so we skipping that for now. )

....  
M.Y.  
' do you remember ? '  
No, what do you mean?  
'Time.'

"Z, do you miss me not being by your side like I used to ?"  
"You are always by my side, not physically but all I would have had to do was ask and you'd be right next to me. Am I wrong?" 

I shook my head. He was right , all he had to do was ask and I would have been right there to aid him. I moved myself closer to him.  
"I'm cold, they must have skipped on paying the heating bill again."  
Arms looped themselves around my waist pulling me even closer to Zico. 

"I'll keep you warm while you tell me more about your friends ?" His voice Laced with demand. I didn't want him knowing about my friends but I had no choice. 

"I've known them all my life really, before I met you even. Namjoon, seokjin, hoseok, Taehyung and I all went to a primary school together here in Seoul, the youngest of our group, Jungkook was brought in by taehyung in his last year of high school. Jungkook just recently graduated. We had a nice party for him." 

'We didn't go.' 

Zico smiled and nodded his head in approval. " they took really good care of my baby didn't they. I'll be sure to thank them if I ever get the chance." I closed my eyes, the warmth of our bodies under the thick blankets was just enough to keep me from shivering in the cool room. It made me wonder how cold it really was outside. Maybe it was snowing by now? 

Zico gently threaded his hands through my hair slowly coaxing me to sleep until I hear the yelling. 

Taehyung and Jungkook were running up the stairs in my direction and I had a very known gang member in bed with me and my parents gone and my room still a mess.  
I was panicking, to put it simply. Before I had realized it Zico had gently rolled me over to the other side of him in the now cold spot."Shit, they know they should call me before coming over. What the fuck. " I felt my body starts to shake. Fantastic. 

" it's gonna be ok, I can see you're in some distress so I'll fib a little on my part if you want." I looked at him with pleading eyes,  
"That would be great, thank you. " 

There was a knock at the door and I jumped but gathered myself up quickly turning into the yoongi they knew.  
"What." Emotionally dead. Perfect. 

"Hey HYUNG! Me and tae wanna know if you want to come with us to go shopping for some new things." Jungkook sounded like he was pressing his lips up to the crack of the door frame and the door itself. 

Already mentally exhausted and couldn't give a shit anymore if the dimwits met z or not, I shoved my face into the pillow and let out a long exhale: " come in, I can't fucking hear you."  
The door opened a moment later and a couple of oos and awes left their mouths. "Hyung, what are you-" Ha, he must have spotted Zico.  
"Mom and dad are out of town for a while so I've taken their room."  
I lifted my head to meet the two, I still had no clothes on but I wasn't shy, more like shameless.  
"Hiya." Zico announced cheerfully with a smile at the end.  
I watched as Jungkook and taehyung both bowed, "hello." Coming back up their gazes landed on me for an explanation. I looked to Zico who nodded to me. 

"I'd like for you both to meet Zico, my boyfriend." Zico calmly dipped his head. He was sporting the nude as well.  
"Zico meet taehyung and Jungkook, or as I like to call them dumb and dumber when they aren't around." They both shot me a look and I gave them a scoff.  
"That's okay, grandpa. Can you give us an answer now?" 

I looked over to Zico, " you wanna join? I've got some money to spare on you." He gave me a smile and a nod. 

"We will meet you down stairs in 10." The two nodded and then left closing the door.  
A few moments passed before they were completely away from the door.  
I let out a shaky breath. Ohhhh that was close. Zico started to move next to me.  
"That was exciting, don't you think?"  
"I wanted to die." The blankets were thrown off of us as Zico got up, "come on let's get ready. And no spending anything on me. I haven't seen you in 5 years, I wanna spoil you, no bullshit back talk." He started to gather his clothes up from off the floor. A smile left my mouth. Yea, I sort of did miss this. 

.....  
J.J.  
"TAETAE, did you see that guy with hyung? He looked scary." Jungkook shook his head free of the image of the two in bed and harshly whispered next to taehyung. Taehyung nodded his head,"Kook, I only know of one Zico in all of South Korea and he's a bad person. If this is the same guy, yoongi needs to be careful otherwise he's gonna get hurt." His voice trembled but he and Jungkook nodded together.  
"Jimin is gonna be disappointed when he sees them together at the mall when we arrive. I'm sure our hyung's will be surprised as well." Taehyung took Jungkook's hand into his and gave a gentle squeeze. 

"It's going to be an eventful day for us all."  
After about 5 minutes of waiting yoongi and Zico both came down the stairs. Yoongi wearing a green overcoat with a black sweatshirt under it and ripped skinny jeans, Zico wearing a hoodie Jungkook assumed was yoongi's. It was simple and plain black and blended well with the blue jeans he was wearing. His hair was tossed to the one side of his head in a messy way but it still looked good on him. The two on the couch stood up and waited for their hyung's by the door shearing worried glances. 

....  
Z.  
I watched yoongi get his keys but I promptly took them from him and continued walking out the door.  
"Days a wastin'." I saw yoongi shoot me a look for taking his keys but the other two looked like they were about to run away. I gave them a smile to assure their safety. 

"Yoong, did you bring your wallet ?" He has just locked the door to the house and turned to me.  
"Yea, why?" He patted his pants back pocket and proceeded to pull out a semi-thick black wallet.  
"Give." I extended my arm out to him palm up. He gave me a confused look and scrunched his nose up. I looked around to find his friends already by the car a few 20 feet away. " I had told you that I didn't want you buying me anything for today at least, not even for yourself. Today will be my treat to you." 

Instead of giving me the wallet he placed his free hand in min and laced our fingers together. " I promise I won't buy anything but I'm not giving you my wallet. One, we both will forget that you have it and two, it's got my ID and car insurance in it. If we get pulled over for any reason and you're driving when my name is the only on on MY insurance contract, I'll get my ass in trouble and a ticket." He started pulling me to the car as he walked ahead.  
"Fine, but I'm still driving. It's been a while since I've drove anything. I'll need help getting to the mall. It's also been a while since I've been to Seoul." We separated and got in shutting the doors one after another. 

The engine purred to life and soon we all were on our way to the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my best to make the chapters pretty long but I mean I get distracted so damn easy is sad. I'm sorry for the inconsistency. 
> 
> Have fun my beans


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update this week just because I'm home alone and bored as fuck lmao. 
> 
> If anyone's name is spelled wrong I'm sorry. For some reason my iPad wants to autocorrect them. Ima have to fix that. I hope this is to your liking, idk how many words this is yet but it's a pretty long chapter  
> ( at least on my notes lol) 
> 
> Enjoy

....  
M.Y.  
We arrived to the mall, thankfully without any tickets despite the speed we were going on the highway. Poor kids in the back holding their hands, scared as fuck. Probably thought today was the day they were going to breathe their last breath. I don't blame them, I'd never been in a car where Zico was the one driving and to his distaste it will probably ever be the last time. 

Finding parking wasn't that hard either since it was during the week, we chose to park as close as possible and with every step I started to take as we entered the mall, the more I found out how bad my ass was hurting. 

"Shame you can't carry me today." I looked over to Zico as we trailed behind the two, now eager, kids in the front of us. He looked at me, his perfect brown orbs looking me up and down, eye-fucking me as we were in public. 

"What do you mean?" 

I shrugged, " my ass is starting to feel abused now that I'm moving around." I gave a slight chuckle. He grabbed my hand in his intertwining our fingers. 

"I'll be more gentle next time."  
Jungkook and taehyung came to a stop in front of a little clothes store. 

"This is where they said they would be."  
"Text them and make sure." 

I let go of Zico's hand and walked up to them. "What are you guys talking about ?"  
They looked up at me with a bit of worry.  
"Jin,Namjoon,and hoseok and Jimin hyung are here too.." A forced smile tugged at the ends of taehyung's mouth.  
I threw my face into my hands. "Really, you guys couldn't tell me they would be here too before we left ?" I let my hands drag themselves down so I could look at them.  
They looked like a ghost just walked in front of them.  
"I'm sorry hyung, we just haven't seen you in a few days. We thought you were alone so we came over to ask if you wanted to come out with us all. We were going to tell you but you invited your friend to join us and we're didn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable or anything only inviting you." Jungkook lowered his head just as his phone rang. "They are coming out." 

"It's ok, just next time tell me please.Come on, let's go have some fun for the day. " I let my hands come to rest by my side the two youngest started to walk towards the doorway to meet Namjoon who had bags in his hands already. He wore a bright smile, until his eyes landed on me or what I thought was me. 

"Hey, didn't think I'd be seeing you here today?" I played off the surprise with a smile shoving my hands into my pockets. He smiled back finally. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you either. We haven't seen much of you since your birthday but I think I can see why. Who's this ?" He flicked his head to Zico who stood behind me looking around like a lost puppy. My smile was less forced at the sight.  
"Uh, yeah. This is Zico." He looked up at the mention of his gang name and I motioned for him to come closer. "We've been together for 5, almost 6 years now." I lied. No one had to know the whole truth. 

'Stop doing this to us.' 

Zico smiled and held up his hand Ina peace sign "yo."  
Namjoon gave a nod of his head just as the rest of everyone came out of the store. Again shocked but instead of asking me, Zico took the lead in introducing himself. I mentally thanked him. I didn't dare look at hoseok but I assumed his face had a less than happy look to it. 

"Where is everyone off to next ?" I looked at Jin who was standing pretty close to Namjoon. 

"Me and joon were thinking of going to a few shops alone real fast and then meet up with everyone at the food court in 40?" He looked really happy.  
I nodded my head, "sounds like a plan to me. Gives me time to catch up to you all, bad wise." He nodded and with a wave he was off, as was everyone else.  
Jimin and hoseok with taehyung and Jungkook, Namjoon with Jin, me with Zico. 

'They are gonna separate from us now. They won't put up with everything like they used to do.'  
No, they are my friends, they'd be by my side just like I'd be by theirs. Don't assume.  
'How are we so sure?'  
I'm not, but I just know. 

"Where do you wanna go first?" I looked at Zico who intently watched everyone walk away not looking away to even answer me. He just shrugged.  
Ouch. I forgot he was the intensely jealous type.  
I looped his arm with mine and pulled him with me.  
"Let's go see if we can find anything to support your kinky ass." I shrugged off his cold shoulder trying not to let it get to me. From the corner of my eye I saw him give a little smile as we walked in the opposite direction of everyone else. 

....  
P.J. 

Hurt, jealous,confused.  
Just a few words to describe how I felt the moment after I had walked out of the clothing shop, eyes landing on yoongi and the stranger who was later announced as his boyfriend of 6 years. I wanted to cry but I was stronger than that, I knew better than to let petty things like this make me cry, even if that meant being harsh to others around me for a little bit. 

Everyone has said that he was single, never had been in a relationship before, but in their defense, they looked pretty shocked at the news too. 

Taehyung and jungkook looked uncomfortable the entire time. They knew something and i was gonna get in on it even if that meant causing a scene. 

I took the opportunity to make s move with or without hoseok's help. There was a bathroom coming up, I grabbed the two boys by their collars of their shirts and dragged them in.  
"So, you gonna fill us in on the news or just keep it to yourselves like the rest of us can't see the looks on your faces ?" I pressed them against the wall, hoseok must have gotten the memo as he took jungkook and held him.  
The two boys looked at each other before taking a deep breath. 

"You gotta promise not to tell Jin-hyung and namjoon-hyung."  
I nodded my head in compliance, hobi making the same gesture.  
"Zico is a very well known mob boss in a very rundown part of Korea. He's the leader of Block B." Taehyung took a moment before resuming in the explanation. My head was spinning, why would yoongi want to be with a mobster? And for such a long time. I let taehyung go and walked over to the sink for some leaning support. 

"What else?" I needed all the information i could get without siting online resources. That was for last resort only if needed. 

"That's all we know besides what yoongi had told us, been with him for 6 years, his name is Zico. But i don't think yoongi knows that I've heard of his boy toys mob. We should probably keep it that way if we like living, and like having yoongi around us." Taehyung looked at the ground deep into his own thoughts. 

"So then, that brings my next question, how do you know so much 'bout this gang the rest of us haven't heard about before?" 

"My brother. He was in the gang before he died. I'm not sure how he found them but he was in it for 2 years before getting shot in a raid. He used to tell me about how he wanted me to never get involved in such activity, he always told me how he made a terrible mistake and how he couldn't get out of the gang because the leader, Zico, believed death was the only way out of loyalty." His expression changed from that of fear and concern to hatred. " I'm thankful that my brothers death was fast and painless rather than slow and by the hands of Zico." 

Hobi let jungkook go and joined me by the sink."how did youngi meet this guy then? How come he never told us about him until now? Why did he lie about not being in a relationship before?" Everyone was confused but at least we had some answers. 

"Come on, let's just get this day over with. Hopefully we never have a run in with Zico after today." I ran a hand through my hair. What a fucking nice day.  
"If anyone finds out anything for either, we report it to our little group here."  
Everyone nodded In agreement. 

We left the bathroom and continued to shop, trying the best we could to enjoy the rest of the day even though we still had many questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's that for a plot my fam?! 
> 
> I'm trying so hard to get a voice for this story but I'm feeling it either way. Ey


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I'm not sorry. 
> 
> Warning triggers at the end

....  
K.N. K.S. 

"So what do you think of yoongi's man?" Jin turned to Namjoon as they browsed a Victoria secret store. 

"He's..... Alright. Looks like someone who's bound to be full of secrets and not the type to tell them. Why do you ask?" He watched Jin look in a pile marked for Clarence.   
" I was just curious, I'm not exactly sure what to think either but I got a weird vibe from him. Should we be letting them be alone like this ?" 

" well didn't yoongi say they've been together for 6years? I'm sure things are fine and that your motherness is just showing." Jin narrowed his eyes at Namjoon through the parted legs of the half body statue set in the middle of the display showing off some of the selection. Namjoon shrugged. "I'm sure it's nothing but let's just watch them then if you're that worried. Can we leave? We are getting looks." Jin placed a pair of black lace underwear back on the table. "Yeah I guess. You know the rules, no telling them where we went when we meet up." Namjoon nodded and they left the store. 

....  
M.Y.   
"Look at the cat, he looks like you. Probably has your fluff personality too." I gently tapped my fingers against the glass wishing I could pet him. I took my eyes from him and saw Zico smiling at me with a phone in his hand. "What-did you just take a picture of me ?!" I saw another flash. "Delete it, I look like shit. I didn't even style my hair. "   
I rushed over to him but before I could do anything he exited the screen. I pouted.   
" that ain't fair. At least let me see the atrocity." Zico shook his hair and continued walking further into the pet store. In the back there were the dogs in the little show boxes, the dogs were puppies thankfully and could fit in the medium sized area with somewhat ease.   
"Really though, I want to see the picture." I stood next to him looking at the dogs, I wasn't sure what breed they were but they were cute with long tails.   
Zico reached into his pocket and lifted up his phone for me to see.   
There was a very concentrated, loving looking yoongi as the lock screen. It wasn't that bad but I wasn't going to let him know. 

'Why are we playing around? We have work to do' 

More and more people started to file in the store, probably because it was in the afternoon hours now. I tugged on ZICO'S jacket a brief moment then started to make my way out of the shop. 

'That was the perfect opportunity, what are we doing?' 

I didn't look back to see if he was following. I felt an odd feeling start to present it's self in the pit of my stomach. I needed to find someplace I can be alone, think without being bothered. Why did I tug on his jacket if I didn't want to be followed? 

'We need him.' 

I started to walk faster and took a quick look behind me. He was following me but he was on his phone and a few lunges behind me. I looked above me at the signs. There was a bathroom in the corner between two shops. Perfect. I picked up my speed quickly leaving Zico behind and made my way into the bathroom.   
There were a few people doing their business, of course. It was a busy day and obviously people were going to be in here. Fuck. 

'Scare them out. I'll show us how.' 

I shoved my hand into my pockets and let out a sigh that was stopped midway as I felt something cold get wrapped around my fingers. The feeling was getting stronger and stronger. I don't remember putting my pocket knife in my pocket before leaving. How did it get in here? 

'Why do you never listen to us? Let us show you how to do things. Maybe then you'll remember.' 

I pulled the knife out and flashed it. "Get out now."   
Two guys looked over to me looking over my appearance, eyes landing on my hand then widely in shock. It took them only a moment to shake their shit and leave without a word. I walked up the stalls kicking them open making sure no one else was in there with me. I threw the knife to the ground. It skidded out of sight only to hit the porcelain bottom of a toilet. Good. I locked the door to assure my loneliness in the room. A small grunt of sorts left my mouth as my back hit the wall. I felt cold, hurt, scared. I wanted to be held but all the same alone, so fucking alone. 

A frustrated cry escaped and my hands flew to my head grabbing handfuls of my blond hair roughly. A knock at the door quieted me. "Anyone in there ?" Rage filled my mind. I wanted to unlock the door and bring the voice in and smother it until it could no longer work, but I went against my worst judgment. 

'Why are we like this? Just let things happen the way we want them to. Quit interfering !' 

No. Leave me alone. 

'Not until you remember.' 

Remember what, what is there to remember ?!

'Time.' 

What dose that even mean? 

The floor was too cold, it only made me feel more numb. I got up and walked over to the sinks and turned on the hot water all the way. I lifted my head up to se a mirror, a large one, that I had somehow missed when I first walked in. It was too late, I couldn't look away. I had made the mistake of looking up only to see many eyes looking back at me. They didn't belong to me. My brown eyes had been overshadowed by hundreds of others all looking at me. 

....  
Z. 

I looked down at my phone, a text from an Unknown number: what are your intentions here?   
I was confused at first but after reading it over a few more times I pieced it together. It must have been one of yoongi's friends. How'd they get my number?   
When I looked up I didn't see yoongi in front of me. Shit where did he go?   
I started to walk a little faster until I came to the middle of the mall. I watched the people walk past me too busy shopping to notice me glancing at them and between Them. Should I message that number back ask them if yoongi was with them, would that help? 

What could it hurt ?   
~  
Me: is yoongi with you?  
Unknown: no, why and how do you now who this is ?  
Me: I can't find him, we got separated and I'm not stupid. I know you're one of his friends, I just don't know which one and I'm curious about how you got this number but right now I'd just like to find yoongi. Can you message everyone tell them to look around ?   
Unknown: ya sure,but don't think this makes anything different between us. 

I closed out of that chat and opened one with yoongis number.

Me: yoongi where are you? I think we got lost. Tell me where you are so I can meet up with you.   
No answer.

I waited around in the area a few more seconds before I felt my phone buzz In my hand.

Unknown: everyone said that they thought he was with you and they haven't seen him since. Do you know where he might go? Did he need to use the bathroom and just didn't tell you?   
Me: I'm not sure, let me know if you find him at all.

My heart was starting to race. Where was he, why did he leave me like that?   
I left the spot in the middle of the mall and started to walk at a fast pace to the left. 

....  
P.J.  
~  
Me to group: guys we have a problem. Zico says he lost yoon.   
Mother: lost how? How do you loose a yoongi in the mall ??  
Monster: did he get tired of the weird looks people were throwing at them ?   
HOBI: nice one.   
Me: can you just not ? This is serious,he sounded really worried guys. I don't think this is a prank.   
Kookie: maybe he went to the car? We all know he dosent like big crowds and the mall has gotten more busy since we arrived.   
Me: that's possible.  
Monster: Jin left me   
Mother: ya so you could help look, not stand around like a lost child yourself . I swear sometimes joon.   
Me: he texted me.  
Kook:and?  
Monster: guys there's a line of angry people outside of a bathroom. Would he be in there?  
Mother: Jimin what did he say? No joon, why would he go in there ? The angry people would just scare him even more.   
Monster: whatever. 

 

~  
dico : take everyone and go home.   
Me: why?  
Dico: just do it. 

....  
Z.  
~  
Min suga: please help me  
Me: babe I need to know where you are first   
Min suga: they won't leave me alone   
Me: where are you   
Me: yoongi  
Me: babe? You're scaring me   
Min suga: bathroom   
Me: I'm coming please don't move   
Min suga: I just want to be alone. There's so much yelling 

I retraced my steps started with the pet shop. I looked at me phone, it had been almost an hour since I'd lost yoongi and the worry was getting worse and worse. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. My heart skipped when I read the words. He was in a bathroom here in the mall, thankfully. But there were many bathrooms to look in. I walked a little more and that's when I heard the yelling of many angry people. Yoongi's last text echoing in my head. 

I skipped ahead to the front of the line and tried to open the door. It was locked. I took out a pocket knife I kept in my shoe and everyone got quiet. It was a special pocket knife equipped with lock picking tools. It was custom made and worth a lot but I was thankful I bought it when I had so long ago.   
I tried the door nob again and was successful in opening it. Before pushing it all the way open I turned to the people behind me. 

"If y'all like living you'd make your way to the other bathrooms located throughout the mall." I smiled but I still held the knife part in my hand. They moved out quickly and I opened the door and walked into the bathroom just as fast before shutting the door and locking it again. I heard a small whimpering and my heart sank.

Yoongi was laying on the floor with broken glass laying around him and blood. There was a lot of blood. 

"Yoongi?" The whimpers stopped. I kept my voice as soft as I could and pushed the worry down. I walked closer to him softly trying to avoid the glass. " babe, I'm here now. What's going on?" I reached down and put my hand on his back. He flinched slightly but then started to turn his head. 

The first difference I noticed was his eyes. They were dull and wet with tears.   
"Please kill me.."   
His voice was rougher than usual and lacked any emotion.   
"Yoongi..?"   
His voice was barely audible, all I saw was his mouth move. "Please."   
His eyes changed. He was begging me to end his life. I looked him over quickly until I got to his hands. I froze. My blood ran cold leaving my body numb. 

His knuckles were cut up from the glass, probably from punching it. But his wrists.   
He'd cut himself with the shards of glass purposely. 

I gathered him into my arms and hugged him tight for a long moment. I took out my phone. 

~  
Me: take everyone and go home.  
Unknown: why?   
Me: just do it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously, main main characters are in the first person everyone else is third

....  
P.J.  
Me to group: meet me in the food court.   
Monster: you buying ?   
HOBI: he better be, I have no money.   
Tae: how? We each had like $700 from the manager.   
Kook: probably spent it all on useless things.   
Mother: on our way. What did you hear about yoongi.  
Monster: did he find him finally? I hope they brake up. He gives me weird vibes.   
Me: will you guys shut up and get here soon.   
Kook: o.h. 

I angrily put my phone on the table where I had seated myself. How was Zico gonna text me and then not give me any further detail? Vague mother fucker. I looked around to find everyone gathered and walking my way. I exhaled a big moment before getting up, grabbing my phone and walking in their direction. 

"We need to leave. No questions asked, I have no fucking clue either and I'm just as confused as you all are." Jin nodded and gathered everyone in his arms and started walking towards the exit. I walked behind him checking my phone one last time there was nothing and then there was something. I opened the text from Zico. 

Dico: I'm taking yoongi with me for a few days. Please don't bother him. 

I felt rage boil up in the pit of my stomach. 'Please don't bother him' ? Who the fuck?   
I was lost in my thoughts and didn't notice Jin had stopped in front of me until I bumped into him.   
"Sorry hyung." I muttered without looking up but he didn't answer my apology like he should have. I looked up to see that his attention was directed to the left of him along with the entire group. I turned my head scanning the area to the left of me. 

I felt my phone drop out of my hands and land on the ground next to my feet. Zico was standing in front of a uniformed ambulance driver who was standing next to the ambulance their backs facing us. They were talking between themselves and then they shook hands in an odd way before Zico loaded himself up into the ambulance and then came the sound of a gurney being rolled out onto the cement. 

Hoseok was the first to make a move only to be held back by Namjoon. My entire world had stopped as a familiar head of blond hair came into view. We were far enough away to stay out of sight by the uniforms but close enough to see the red that pained spots in yoongi's hair. I felt my knees reach the ground but I didn't feel the pain that came with it , my body numb from the scene. Was he dead? What happened? What was Zico not telling us? 

The ambulance drive past us and was out of sight before long. My phone rang next to me. I picked it up: 

Dico: please take yoongi's car home. 

I broke from the group letting gin know that I was supposed to take yoongi's car back to his place. He insisted that someone come with but I told him it wasn't going to be necessary. He hugged me then was off with the rest of the group in the direction of his own vehicle. 

The drive was quite and short. I used my gps on my phone to take me to yoongi's and I was not disappointed when I parked in the driveway of a nice house. I waited a moment before getting out. I didn't want to leave the comfortable car but I couldn't stay in there forever. A tap on the glass next to my ear gave the healthy me a heart attack. I quickly gathered myself up and looked over to find Namjoon looking at me with his arms folded, waiting for me to get out of the car. 

I closed the door and made sure to lock it. If yoongi needed the keys he could get them from me. 

"Jin harassed me into coming and brining you back to his place." He put his arm around my shoulders." Come on, everyone's waiting." We walked towards a black pickup truck. I still felt numb and dead inside. 

....  
Z. 

I helped my men get yoongi still in the gurney, from the back of the ambulance.   
"Thanks P.O. once you have him in the building take him from the bed and put him in my room. I'll take care of him from there." He gave me a nod and went to work with his partner, jaehyo. I looked at my phone for the last time and put it back in my pocket once I had finished. I took yoongi's out next. He didn't bother with pass codes thankfully so all I had to do was swipe. I went directly to his emergency contacts:

Stubborn mother  
Whipped father  
Z

He didn't even have his real family in his phone. It made me realize just how shitty his actual mother and father may have been to him. I breathed out a sigh and locked the screen putting it back in my pocket. I went into my house after having the area looked around to make sure no one was out looking suspicious or anything. Yoongi needed me and I was going to be there for him this time, even though it had all been my fault in the first place. I ruined him with my selfish desires, but it was equally his fault for allowing me to.

I opened the door to my room and to my delight there lay a still drugged and unconscious suga. His blond hair spread out on the dark red of the pillow made him look like an angel. I smiled and tiptoed to the side of the bed. He would have to wake him up soon to give him some pain meds if he needed them but for now he was going to enjoy the familiarity of yoongi in his bed again. 

....  
M.Y. 

My head hurt, my body felt fatigued, my eyes would not open, and my voice was so scratchy it made it almost impossible to yell for assistance where ever I was. I tried to move my legs but something held them in place. I started to panic.   
"Hello..?"   
No one answered, except for him. 

'Welcome back.' 

The reality of my situation had hit me like a bus. 

I was in hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's this feeling so far my beans ?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The is only yoongi pov 
> 
> I'm not sure how long this story will be but I'm assuming not too long. Maybe 20 chapters??? Maybe. Idk. Depends on how long and informal the chapters will be for know on.

....  
M.Y. 

My body felt like fire, and I couldn't move. It would have been a lie if I said I wasn't scares shitless. I tried to call out but everything was so quiet, or so it seemed. 

'You remember now right?'  
Yes.

Why was he still here? I'd gotten rid of him long ago. 

'Tell us what you remember '   
Why do I need to validate myself to you? Leave me alone. 

I felt something on top of me and I was still unable to move, or open my eyes for that matter. I was pissed.   
Can't speak, move, open my eyes. Did I even have the ability to be mad anymore?   
~

I jolted awake with a dull pain in my arm making me wince slightly. I looked at my surroundings. I panicked for a moment until I realized where I was.   
"Z!?" I found my voice after several failed attempts.   
I was answered by silence. I really did start to panic then.   
I tried to get up but something held my feet in place no matter how hard I tried to get free.   
"Z-Zico?!" My hard outer shell started to crumble leaving a broken yoongi in its wake and I wasn't okay with that, but I had no choice but to act vulnerable, as I very was. 

I hard heard the sound of footsteps start to climb the stairs near the bedroom and I prayed it was Zico and not some crazy monster looking for revenge by sending a message to the block b leader. 

The door opened with anything less of a slam against the wall behind it.   
"What's wrong yoongi?" Zico came trotting up to me with worry and I was thankful and annoyed he hadn't hear me the first time. 

" why are my legs bound together?" I tried to calm my shaking as the older looked more worried than I had initially thought.   
"I told them not to." He took a moment and placed his hands behind his head." I thought you were having a seizure. I told P.O. About it and he ignored my thoughts about why he shouldn't restrain you apperently. Are you hurt ? " the care in his voice reminded me why I had loved this man and trusted him with my life but the inner me knew that I had no one else but him to blame for my horrible memories. 

I shook my head. " no, but I'd very much appreciate it if I were free if you get me. And I was having a really, really, bad nightmare." I let out a breath and flattened my back against the mattress and waited for my legs to be let go. "I remember everything now." A long sigh escaped and it mixed with the relief of having the ability to move around. 

"What do you remember exactly?" Zico sat on the bed next to me, his knee touching mine. 

"I remember coming to this town for a music gig up the road. I remember walking to this place out of curiosity. I remember being led to your office. I vividly remember every killing I had made and how each one haunts my nightmares. I'm not sure why I did it but I'm sure the sleepless nights were the reason I'd tried very hard to forget everything." I pressed my thumb and index finger to the bridge of my nose. "I have a headache. I know you don't want to hear this but I need to remember how to get ride of my memories again, at least that side of them. I'm not sure if it will make me forever about you again too but I just don't want to go through the pain again." My voice trailed off at the end. 

As much as I wanted to get rid of the bad memories of killing too many people, I didn't really want to leave Zico in the past again. But what other choice did I have? Cocaine would have been a choice if I wasn't on the road to be an idol, I guess. All I had to do was ask Zico , he'd supply- after a long discussion- but more or less.

"We can go back to your mom and dads place after a few days if you want to, I brought you here so I could watch over you without being bothered. You're friends are wonderful but there's some things they don't need to know about you and I." I nodded in agreement. 

"Thank you.can I get my phone. I'm sure they're blowing it up." He left end himself off the bed and walked over to the dresser across the room.   
"Here. I turned it off so if they did blow it up then it's gonna be a while before you can answer them." Zico chuckled while I struggled with turning it on for a second. 

"Let's go downstairs and get you something to eat while you wait. I was in the middle of making dinner for us when you called." He placed his strong arm around my waist and lifted me off the bed holding me bridal style. "It's just the two of us today. I told everyone to go home when I brought you. I didn't want to stress you out too much more than you already were and I know how you get with too many people around you." 

I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder. " that's oh so very thoughtful of you. If I didn't already know you were a brilliant mobster I would have thought you were a bachelor on the market." 

"A bachelor who's eye was on the prize as soon as they saw you."   
"You flatter." I rolled my eyes. 

When we got down to the kitchen I lay my buzzing phone on the counter and waited for it to stop. I had great friends and I was glad they would be joining me in becoming big. I honestly would not have it any other way. 

They are my ride or die and I am their grump, it was perfect. However it took a full 30 minutes for my phone to come to a stop. Zico looked at me while we ate, his eyes were wide." Well, that took....a while.." I gave a slow nod before I picked up the device. 

~~~~~~~~~  
Stubborn mother added you to group chat with TAETAE , whipped father, hobi,kookie, Jimin.   
~~  
>Kookie: what the fuck is going on  
Stubborn mother: Jungkook! Yoongi, message us when you get this.   
Whipped father: or now. Why wait, right?   
Stubborn mother: you do remember him leaving in an ambulance right?  
Whipped father : yeah what about it   
Stubborn mother: he's not going to have his phone on him as soon as he gets to the hospital. He has to ask and he needs to be awake to do that. Last I saw he was passed out.   
Hobi: oh look ma and pop are fighting.   
TAETAE: I'm worried about yoongi guys  
Kookie: I'm agree with tae. I have a bad feeling. What if that guy kills him?????  
Stubborn mother: that's jumping a little far don't you think?   
TAETAE : not really. Kookie is right. Jimin agrees too.   
whipped father: where is that coming from ? and you're right Jin, I'm sorry to have doubted you. Hobi, I'm not your father.   
TAETAE: I know things, can't say here tho. Also Jimin lost his phone.   
Kookie: he'd loose his head if it weren't attached.   
Stubborn mother: you know what they say Namjoon, the older the wiser, the most handsome.   
Hobi: is...that...flirting I smell?   
Whipped father: I'm leaving. Can't have a single conversation without being assumed I'm out for Jin's dick.   
Hobi: you know I'm just playing right ? But I mean it's no secret that Jin hyung is your wallpaper on your phone so who's really out for our dear mothers dick?   
Stubborn mother: can we focus on yoongi, please? And I'm no ones mother nor am I putting out so.   
Hobi: shot down before even given a chance. That sucks.   
-whipped father has left the chat-  
Hobi: oops. I'm not sorry.   
-stubborn mother has left the chat-   
Hobi: privet message me guys.   
~~  
Stubborn mother to you -  
Yoongi, just message me okay? Clearly there are only a few people who are worried about your safety.   
~  
Stubborn mother to you -  
It's been 5 hours since we've heard from you and have seen you leaning the mall in an ambulance. I'm getting worried.   
~~  
Whipped father to you-  
Yo, Jin is really worried about you. He went to your house and no one came to the door, he said the car you guys showed up in is the only indication that anyone lives there. Is everything okay?   
~~  
Stubborn mother to you -  
Yoongi,mare you ignoring everyone? Did we do something wrong?   
Please call me.   
~~~~~~

"Everyone is freaking out saying I left in an ambulance and that I am at a hospital. Did you help with that ?" I looked up from my phone for once after minutes of scrolling through messages and notifications of all kinds. Zico shook his head with a mouth full of food. " no. Like I said I called P.O. And he brought you here. He just so happens to be part time at a hospital in Seoul. Your friends assumed you were in a hospital, even though I told the one of them that I was brining you to my place. They are thick minded." He swallowed and pushed his plate to the side and watched me eat my own food slowly.   
"They are just worried, though I have half a mind to just ignore them for the rest of the day because I don't feel like being attacked with questions but Jin will have an aneurism if I do that. Not a good idea ." I pushed my plate to the side as well even though is still had food on it. "I'll be back. " he nodded and I got up from my seat and walked the short distance to the living room. 

"Hello? Yoongi?" Jin's voice was as expected. 

Worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your feels. I love comments and I reply to everyone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if y'all noticed or nah, but if they ain't a main char then they are in third person. I prolly already said that before but just a reminder. Also fluff yoonzi is my fave, if ya can't tell. Lmao 
> 
>  
> 
> Quick reminder that I've posted twice this week, so if you're coming back for this chapter and haven't read the last, you should probably go do that. Thank.

....  
K.N. K.S. 

"It's Been 6 hours. Are you sure he's not dead ?" Jin looked at Namjoon who was busy working out the kinks for everyone's contracts on the couch across from him.   
There was only a subtle nod of namjoon's head and it didn't help the feeling go away. 

A few minutes had passed before a shrill noise coming from Jin's phone made them both jump. Yoongi's name and a picture of the man popped up on the screen and Jin did everything in his power to calm his racing heart. 

"Hello ? Yoongi?" Jin looked at Namjoon who was equally surprised with a hint of 'I told you so' in his eyes.

"Hey Jin. I just woke up and got all your texts. Thanks for spamming my phone by the way. " yoongi sounded like he hadn't slept in days and his words were slow. 

Jin gave a small giggle. " ya, sorry about that. So how are you ? Are you okay, do you need anything ?" There was no beating around the bush today. 

There was a long pause and a drawn out breath on the other line.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm with Zico outta town for a few days to clear my head and stuff. I'm not exactly sure what happened to me. .....He said he was going to fill me in once I had something to eat, but then my phone started to go wild." 

"Oh well we have a meeting with the BIGHIT company soon so come back before then, please. Take care of yourself yoongi and call us if you need anything, I mean it." Jin let his face drop. He wasn't sure why he had an unsettling feeling start to form in the pit of his belly and it scared him. 

"I will." There was a click and then silence. Jin looked up at Namjoon with sad eyes. The other looking just as confused. 

"Something going on and I don't like it joon." Jin threw his phone on the table and got up to stretch his legs and arms. " I'm going to make some food for us." He walked away leaving Namjoon to himself. 

....  
P.J.   
Taehyung sat across from me, we were deep into a staring contest. I was winning. Until the door swung open with a loud bang as it hit the wall behind it.   
"THE HELL HOBI?!" Taehyung laughed with hoseok and Jungkook while I tried to find my heart. "I thought you and kookie weren't coming over until later tonight ?" Hoseok turned to look at me with a smile and open arms. 

"Yeah, well we couldn't wait to get this theory in play so we rushed over here after the conversation. Oh and we got some snacks for us too." He lifted a bag up and sat it on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. 

"What were you two doing?" He walked back to the dinning area of Jungkook and taehyung's small apartment where the rest of us stood in various locations throughout the room. 

"We were having a staring contest." 

"Yeah, and I was going to win until a horse stormed through the living room scaring me into blinking first. Thanks." Asshole.   
I played my best pouty face and looked into the eyes of hoseok who only smiled with pride. Petty. But I loved him still. 

"So, down to the real issue here ? What are we going to do about Zico ? Yoongi doesn't need to be involved with something like Zico now that he's going to be an idol soon. There can be nothing to tarnish his rep." Hoseok shoved his hands in his pocket to keep from fidgeting. 

"Whatever it is we have to keep on the low. I don't think he'd hurt us since we are with yoongi but that doesn't mean we should trust him." I nodded in agreement. 

"I have his number." Everyone looked at me 

"How did you get it?" Taehyung looked at me with wise eyes.   
" um... the Internet. There's a site I'm on deep within the web. Ya...anyway. I can text him and whatever. " heads nodded.   
"Okay. I don't think we should treat this as a hostage situation but that's a good fall back plan. What have you talked to him about so far ?" 

I looked at Jungkook somewhat hesitant to share all the texts.   
"I uh...I asked hims what his intentions with yoongi were.. He told me it was none of my business and that was it. Then he started to ask me where yoongi was. Poof. We have reached the present time and date." Taehyung laughed but hoseok looked upset a bit. I shrugged my shoulders. " what's the plan now that we have gathered this important information ~~?" I sing songed at the end to ease the sudden growth of tension. 

"Let's text him again see if we can get him to leave yoongi, if he refuses I guess we can stoop to harassment. If he is in a gang he won't contact the authorities and he can't hurt us otherwise yoongi will hate him and he doesn't want that I'm sure." I looked at Jungkook in shock.   
" have you done shit like this before ? That was like, pro status planning." 

"I've had a lot of girl trouble in the past. Had to do some things to get them to leave me alone,mall in the past. Let's move on...." He shifted on his feet, eyes to the ground. I followed his wishes and left the topic. 

"Ok so, let's get this over with. The sooner the better." 

~~  
Me: I have something to talk to you about   
Dico: what is it?   
~~  
"What do I say next ?"   
"Ask him if he would ever leave yoongi." 

~~  
Me: I want to know what it would take for you to leave yoongi.  
Dico: XD haha you're kidding right ? That's so funny. Why do you want to know ?  
Me: everyone knows you're a gang leader, we don't want yoongi involved with you. He's going to make it big and he can't have anything to ruin his dreams.   
Dico: okay. Let's do this, let's let yoongi choose what he wants and then we will leave things at that, ya? Now if you will excuse me, yoongi and I have to go to the doctors.   
~~

"I have a bad feeling guys." I looked up from my phone to taehyung.   
"I do too. We have to tell Namjoon and Jin. Let's go meet with them." We walked out the door of the apartment and started in the direction of Namjoon and Jin's. 

....  
Z.  
I put my phone down once we made it into the room, annoyed at people getting into my business without asking me.   
"How are you feeling now?" I looked at yoongi who made his way across the room and laid on the bed, his eyes were closed but he was awake. It only slightly worried me.   
"I'm better than I was. My arm still stings. Dumbass decision I made. Ha. Fucking idiot."his voice softened at the end. I walked over to the bed and lowered myself down to sit next to his head, I grabbed his left arm and brought it up to my lips and let them brush against the bandage that covered the cut, protecting it from infection and irritation. "Babe, you're anything but. You're going through a hard time. It's okay. I still love you." I offered a small smile and held his hand. He looked up at me with a sad look and closed his eyes. 

"Nap with me. I'm tired and I don't want to be alone."   
"Yeah, I'll be right here. When you wake up I'll call P.O. And get you check out okay?"  
There was silence but he really didn't have a choice. Even though his friends think I'm a bad motherfucker- I am - I still care for those I love.   
His breathing steadied confirming that he was a sleep. I was left to my thoughts and they went for the back of my mind where I stashed the memory of the note he'd written to himself. I didn't really want him to forget about me again, I was miserable the last time thought I simply thought he had moved on in life. I was half way right. 

But I also didn't want him to suffer like he had before. Sleepless nights took a bad toll on his body and left him half dead sometimes. I hated it and he wouldn't let me interfere and help him get better. Stubborn fool, but he was my fool, he still is. I ran my hand throughout blond beautiful hair as he slept hoping it would be a good sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts ? Comments? Tips? 
> 
> Once this fic is done Im gonna make a new one and it's gonna be long. Gonna have 1 update a month. 
> 
> If you have any suggestions for the plot and ish,melt me know. I'm taking anything at this point.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello 
> 
> *please read * 
> 
> Im going to be quite busy soon so updates will not be as frequent. 
> 
>  
> 
> I wanna work on a new story but I need suggestions on what it should be and I also want to work with someone. We will contact each other though email and stuff. So comment if you're interested. We will talk details , but only if you're serious about this.   
> Thank you.

....  
Z.  
The room was very dark when I woke up with a hand being shoved in my face aggressively and a foot jutting into my hip.  
"Yoong, wake up." I heard a mumble in protest but nothing happened.   
"Yoongi, you're hitting and kicking me. Wake up." I laughed as he slowly lifted his limbs and moved them away from me clearly annoyed at beating woken up in the first place. " we have to wake up now babe. I have some stuff I gotta get done and you need to eat and take some vitamins." 

Getting off the bed swiftly I walked to the bathroom across the hall stopping to take a peek at myself in the mirror, handsome, as always. I shot some finger guns to myself with a cocky smirk before continuing my way out of the room to take a well deserved piss. I liked to cal it- take it and shake it- I'm simply hilarious and should have no reason to be single ever in my life. Don't let anyone tell you different. 

I finished minutes later - it was a river and I'm lucky my bladder didn't explode- and walked back into the bedroom to retrieve a grumpy yoongi from the bed only to see that he was up and moving around already. A small frown smacked my mouth and yoongi fought it the moment he heard me walking in.   
"What?"   
"I wanted to wake you up a bit more. You've never been the type of person to wake up on the first call." I folded my arms across my chest and planted a pout over the frown. Yoongi just shook his head before taking his shirt off tossing it to the floor for the maid to pick up when she got back. I let out a small gasp, the disrespect. 

I dropped the act and walked over to him pressing his bare back flush against my clothed front. " yoongi." I let his name fall breathy from my mouth into his ear. He hummed and leaned back and turning his head slightly to look at from the corner of his left eye.   
" would you ever leave me if it was best for your career ?" 

I've always been possessive. It's what made me such the great person I am today. Yoongi was no exception. Especially yoongi. I wanted him happy though even if that meant he had to let me go to do what he loved- dreamed- to do most. 

He was quiet for a long moment possibly thinking well about his answer, I didn't mind that. If anything it just made me more curious about his choice. 

He let out a quick sigh before turning around to face me fully.   
"Z, music has always been my dream and forever will be however, whatever brought this to your attention needs to leave your mind as quickly as it came because there is room for both you and my music career in my life currently." I wasn't expecting that kind of answer but I loved it. I gave him a small smile before giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek.  
"What put that stupid thought into your mind ?" He turned back around to finish getting dressed in clean clothes, carefully avoiding anything with tight sleeves. He looked nice in a oversized sweatshirt and my blue jean skinnies. I shook my head free of the improper thoughts that entered my mind in that moment and focused on the task at hand however, I didn't have the heart to tell him it was possibly one of his friends but I also didn't want to lie to him either.

Before I could answer there was a knock at the door. I turned around to see one of my men standing there with his back strait and his eyes looking into mine.   
"The enemy has come closer to HQ, sir. your safety is not very promising at this point in time and should possibly go back into hiding with suga,sir." He bowed at the end waiting for my reply. 

"How close is close?"   
" about 5.8 miles out, sir"   
"Shit, that's too close. Get my car ready get all the men you can and get everything worth anything into a truck and take it to my storage. You're free to go ." He bowed and left without question. I felt hands on my hips and leaved into the touch.   
"Yoongi, I know what you're trying to tell me, but please just stay with me and stay out of this one?" The grip tightened and I took a moment to look back to see someone I hadn't seen in 5 years. It scared me for a moment to see the fire in his eyes from the thought of going out again after so long. I remember the note he'd written to himself. It made my heart hurt. 

Before I could stop him he ran out of the room. He could run fast If he wanted and he really wanted to. 

I tried to run after him but I wasn't as fit as him and I kicked myself in the ass for allowing this to happen. I was scared about what was going to happen. This rival gang was much stronger and had numbers and weapons on their side. 

The front door was already slung open by the time I reached it. No yoongi in sight. I cursed at myself. I had a few options to go through.   
1\. Have some of my men go after him, but risk their lives in the process fully knowing I needed all the number I could hold on to to protect what I had.   
2\. Call up the unknown number, see if they could reach yoongi and get him to calm down.  
3\. Wait for him to return, dead or alive, all while risking my own life along with it. 

I was in a desperate bind and needed any help I could get. 

....  
P.J. 

My phone going off in the middle of the night was something I was used to living with taehyung and Jungkook but knowing they both were a sleep in the rooms near mine only made my annoyance grow. I failed to squint read the caller ID and just answered the phone;

"Hello?"   
"I'm going to tell you something and you're going to keep it to yourself and tell no one. Got it?"   
"A simple yellow back would be wonderful too."   
"I don't have time. I only have your number so now you're obligated to help me seeing as this concerns yoongi."   
"Is he ok? Where is he? I knew I was right, you're bad for him. You should have-"  
"Shut up! Yoongi is not as innocent as you all fucking think, okay? He was- is, my right hand man and for good fucking reason. This is the part I need you to keep to yourself.he's killed people, a lot of people. Well into the triple digits and all of them have been under my command. He never went against my word, if I told him not to do something he listened." 

My breathing sped up. How could yoongi be a killer ? He can't even kill the spiders in the practice room. 

"Are you there still?"   
"Y-yeah. What happened?"   
" he ignored me tonight... A rival gang has been watching me and they had made a move, yoongi heard and when I told him not to go after them he ran. Man he can run, fucker." There was a deep intake of air and a heavy sigh that followed. " I'm hoping that one of his friends who he's close with can help calm him down before he gets hurt or worse."   
I was confused, I couldn't understand much but it didn't matter much as long as yoongi was in harms way. " um...yoongi and I aren't really close. We've met a few times through mutuals but that was it. I'm not sure if he'd even listen to me."   
"We will never know unless we don't try right? Hopefully he didn't ditch his phone and it's still in his pocket." There was a long pause before he started to talk again. " I thought about what you texted me... I talked to him. I have mixed feelings but my heart is telling me that as long as yoongi is happy, that's all that matters but as of right now my heart is telling me that this is all my fault and that I should have left him alone when he came to me." Another voice, faint but noticeable started to speak. " yes, I understand but I'm not leaving until he's safe. Finish getting all my shit." Zico took another breath.   
"I have to go. Please let me know what happens." There was a click before I could answer leaving me in my own thoughts and confusion. 

Pushing aside everything I called yoongi. I liked him, everyone knew that except the man himself. Hoseok often made fun of me for it until a few weeks ago but I saw that they were closer than they had been so I left yoongi alone. Then he showed up to the mall with Zico. Hoseok was pissed. He threw a fit that he wanted to leave the moment he saw the pair leave the group hand in hand. I was hurt to but I kept quiet vocally, but I voiced my opinion though text directly to the man. 

There were a few rings before it went to voicemail the first time. Fucker sent me to voicemail. I would have laughed if his life wasn't in danger. I called back thankfully being answered by his voice and not an automatic one. 

"Yoongi, where are you ?"   
Laughing, unknown laughing attacked my ears. Yoongi?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you all think ? 
> 
> If you haven't read the top note please do !! 
> 
> Live life my beans


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a mood writing this, I still kind of am. 
> 
> There might be some grafic in the next chapter. So warning there. Whenever the shit comes out.

....  
p.J.

"Yoongi, tell me where you're at so I can come and get you, please?" 

There was a click sound. It was awfully metallic sounding.   
"This is Jimin right ? Ah, z must have called you and told you I was out and about. Tell him not to worry. I'm fine,mi just want to have a little fun tonight. It's been a long time since I've had fun like this. I forgot how it felt, why would I do that to myself ?" 

A loud bang pierced my ears making me jump and pull the phone away from my ear. I looked around my empty room trying to calm my climbing heart rate.   
"Was that a gun yoongi ? Are you okay? Yoongi?!" It was a long moment before I realized he was talking but I just couldn't hear him in my right ear. I moved the phone to the better of the two for now until it recovered. 

"-I'm an adult, I mean I can understand if things weren't what they seemed like but he can't keep doing this to me and not expect me to act this way, right ? It's all really his fault but I love him. My light in the darkness of my mind. The voices tell me I should kill him. Ha! Kill him! I can't even think of putting the berral of a gun to his head much less do it on my own. He's done so much for me, sweet z. He pissed me off when he told me not to go out and protect him. I wanted to bash his fuckin head in. It's my job to protect, MY JOB! Anything that looks like a threat to Zico has to deal with me first. None of them have made it past go, imagine that. I guess I'm just too good at my job." 

I felt like throwing up. Why was he telling me this. What was he thinking ?   
"Yoon-"   
"Shut the fuck up. I wasn't done talking. And up the formality, I'm your hyung. Min yoongi doesn't exist tonight. He will never exist for anyone every again." 

There was a click and then dead silence. I felt unwanted and by a stranger I hardly knew. I wanted to cry and sleep but Zico asked me to call him back with any news. I didn't have much to report back but we both cared for yoongi, and he needed to know. I took a deep breath and called back. 

________  
"Hello?"   
"It's..... Jimin.."   
"Oh.Did you find anything out ? "  
"Nothing to help get him. All he told me was that he wanted to protect you and that many others have tried to get to you before.....and didn't get past him.....he loves you and that he's no longer min yoongi.... He has a gun with him.... Then he hung up. That was all."   
"It's okay. I have people who can help further. Thank you Jimin. You're not so bad when you want to be. I have something I want to ask you though. Do you think you can handle it?"   
".......Sure... Why not"  
________

Me to Namjoon hyung:  
Me: hyung, yoongi hyung is gonna be gone for a while. Do you think you can reschedule the meeting with the manager for maybe next next week?   
Namjoon hyung: I'll see what I can do. Is he still with Zico?   
Me: ya.   
Namjoon hyung: alright, I'll do what I can. 

 

I threw my phone to the side of my bed. It hit the wall with a hard thud but I wasn't worried about a broken phone right now. 

I haven't even been around yoongi for a month and I'm already being pulled into shit I'm not even sure I can handle! I wanted to cry, hit something, curl up into a ball and sleep forever. It is all just so.......overwhelming. If Zico was telling the truth , maybe I can help. Why would I though ? This is yoongi's problem that I just happened to be dragged into. 

I shoved my hand through my hair and brushed through it with a sigh. I needed a drink.....or 5..... Whatever. 

 

....  
M.Y. 

I stomped on the cigarette I threw to the ground making sure it was out fore toy before moving on. I didn't feel like me , but I was me at the same time. It only filed my confusion more. I remember everything, I killed people for Zico, I did drugs with him, spent my time with him. Everything is for him. Expressing my love and devotion to him so he'd know. I basked in his praise when I got back.   
" you're such a good boy suga. You're my pretty boy..." I wanna be praised again. I want to feel like I belong to him. 

I looked through the scope of the sniper rifle and looked around. Pussies are still hiding in the building. Jackson's got some old tactics and it didn't take me long to look within the 4 mile radius from block B's hide out. The streets were mostly empty by now. It was dark, everyone who lives around here knew that they should be inside by 4 to be safe. Wouldn't want to be caught in between the cross fire of some gangs. That would make for a sad day. 

I've known Jackson for a while. I first met him at a club after I'd joined with Zico. He didn't know and tried recruiting me to his 'special' gang. He asked me if I wanted to go with him back to his place, I guess he thought I wasn't comfortable in the public eye to be making such rash choices. Hmm. We got to his place. Turns out he had a thing for emotionally dead teens. Bitch. He started to push his face into my neck, kissing me so sloppily, I thought a god was on top of me, he Told me he could make me happier than I could have ever thought. That was before I punched the shit out of him for palming my crotch. Didn't know then and probably still doesn't know his little " bastard" was part of his rival gang. 

I'd told Zico about it. Told him how I was just going to a bar to watch the dj and was picked up by some older guy who took me to this nice place and then started to sexually assault me. He didn't take it lightly. I am his property, no one can touch me except for him. It's always been like that. I didn't mind being his dog, I belonged to this world , just as much as I belonged to the world of music. 

I looked into the scope again. Still nothing. 

Fuck it. Guess it's time to make a trip down there myself. 

I put the safety to on and left my spot after patting myself down.   
Knife in the hollowed out soul of my shoe.   
Knife in the open seem of the inside of my jacket.   
Glock in its holster on my hip. 

I smiled to myself. I was ready to make my comeback. I was ready to live like before, next to Zico. I'll be his pet. no, I live to be his pet, this is the only thing left for me now. The only thing to make me happy. 

 

I only knocked a few times before the door cracked open. 

"Who are you?" Oh, a deep voiced man. Alright I'll roll. 

"min yoongi. I'm here to see Jackson ." I smiled, it was so innocent.   
"Wait right here ." The door closed and feet walked away. I backed up away from the door a bit to seem like I just wanted to talk. And if it went bad this early I had a bit of a head start to run. 

The door opened again, wider so I could walk through. A basket was shoved into my face. "No phones beyond this point. Jackson's orders. "  
I complied. No use in trying to argue to keep my phone on me if it wasn't going to be helpful at all for me. I followed him up 2 flights of stairs to a room with double doors. The slightly taller man opened the doors for me to enter and shut them behind me. 

"Long time no see, Jackson." I smirked at the man I front of me who looked like he'd just seen a ghost. "I think I'm ready to take your offer up, but I wanna do something first." I inched my way closer to him and slightly lowered my eyelids. Oh yeah, this is going to be the most fun I've had in ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ima edit the tags after I post this. 
> 
> How is it so far. Please tell me. 
> 
> Enjoy


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I don't even know where I was going with this. I hope it makes sense.

....   
M.Y. 

He had a confused look set on his face as he eyed me. I only stood there and smirked. He was taller than me   
, always has been, but I had the upper hand this time even if he was able to manage a few hits on me. That's okay because I'll be the winner in the end. 

" who are you ? You're name sounds familiar but I'm not sure. I wanna know for sure. " he was hesitant on choosing his words as if he was testing to see if I would willingly tell him who I was without putting up any fight. Funny. 

"You've met me before. A long time ago. I was quite the scrawny child then and gullible, shit I was so gullible." I let out a huff for emphasis "you have three guess'. "   
I smiled and he smiled back and nodded. 

"Alright I'll play. Have I met you recently ?"   
I thought for a moment. 5 almost 6 years ago isn't necessarily recently. I shook my head.  
"Nope."   
"My memory is just so bad, can you give me a hint ?" His voice dripped like honey as he spoke. It didn't work on me but I was getting more and more restless standing here with no blood on my hands.   
"We met around the way in a bar. That's your only hint. " I stepped closer to his desk looking at everything on it that could serve as an alternative killing method. Nothing useful from what I could tell. 

Jackson brought up his hand to the base of his chin and stroked it as he thought.   
"I haven't been to that bar in years and the only person I've been with from that bar was a cute little boy. I like to call him ' the one who got away '. It was a shame when he left me. I was going to make him a very well respected man some day. And my lover." He smiled to himself and I visibly cringed at the thought of me being with Jackson and not Zico. I swallowed the bike that was starting to rise up into my throat and reached into my coat for my favorite knife. 

"I don't think I would have stayed with you anyway. However, the times have changed and I'm here for a different reason. I'm here on behalf of Zico as his right hand and his lover indefinitely."   
I took the knife out and held it close to my side making sure I had a tight death grip on it. The look he gave me was both shock and humor. 

"You're suga?! That cute boy I saw years ago grew up to be a beautiful blond God only to become the Devils bitch. What a time to be alive." 

He fucked up. 

As he laughed at the not joke I jumped his desk and grabbed his hand that was resting over his stomach and held it behind his back all while pressing the knife to his neck.   
"Yes, what a time. Too bad yours is up. I will be taking control of your gang after your death. It will be in... Better hands. Who ever doesn't comply won't be needed and will be joining you in the afterlife. " he stopped laughing and I could feel him shaking. Something told me not to do it but I cleanly cut through his throat anyway. There was a dull thud as his body hit the floor. I searched his pockets and got his phone , he won't be needing it anymore and I need a new one. 

Before I could pocket my new toy and my knife my phone started to go off. 

"Yoongi." 

"Hello to you too." 

"Please tell me you didn't do anything, please. Do you hear the desperation in my voice. You don't need this, I'm sorry for ever making you into this monster. I regret it. I regret everything I've done to you."   
He sounded as if he'd been crying the entire time I've been away. I wanted to hug him. 

"I'll be back soon to comfort you babe. Okay? Let's have a nice hot bath and I'll pamper you."   
He took a deep breath. I stressed him out but I did what needed to be done. 

"I love you. I have to go, please send kyung, u-Kwon, and jaehyo." 

"Alright p, text me the address. Please come back safe. Your friend is already going to skin me alive as it is. I love you ." 

"I love you too." 

I hung up the phone and took out my (new) one. I sent a group text for everyone to meet the boss in the main room for a meeting. I was already on my way out of the office before I sent the message. 

My now clean favorite knife was back in its hiding spot and I made sure I had easy and fast access to my glock on my hip incase I needed to use it. I was fast with a gun but even faster with a knife, that's why I favored them. The close contact, the way the prey trembled against me knowing that they wouldn't make it out alive, even if they begged. 

I made it to the main room and stood a ways away from the door. 

Safety first. 

As if on cue the room was filled with 6 others who I assumed was head of each sector that got7 used. They looked confused to see me and not Jackson. Good. 

"My name is suga. Yes I am that 'suga'." I saw their eyes widen so I took it upon myself to confirm their suspicions.   
"Jackson is upstairs. However, you are to answer me this right now. Who ever does not want to follow Zico raise your hand." They looked amongst themselves questioning each others loyalty. Soon enough I had only one raised hand. Shame. 

"Step to the side of the group and up against that wall. The rest of you I assume want to live? I am never gone, never. And if I hear any one of you have been giving Zico issues, we will have issues and I know how to draw them out. Are we clear ?" They nodded their heads. I nodded back at them and before they could blink I took out my gun and shot the man who stood up against the wall.   
" I will have no traitors. Your used to be leader is upstairs. I have a cleaning crew on their way to clean up both bodies. You are to follow them back and they will do what is necessary to make you part of block b. Anything you need to pass by Zico you must pass by me first and if I say it doesn't go, then it doesn't go. " my phone buzzed in my pocket but I ignored it. "If any of you leave while you're waiting for my team to arrive, I will shoot you on the spot. I will be watching. Please excuse me. " I walked past them and took out my phone as I started toward the front door. 

_______  
Zico: babe I need the address.   
Me: alright.   
_________

It took a while for the team to get there and I was surprised no one left though they were probably mourning over the death of a mate and leader. I looked through the scope of my rifle periodically. They were loyal, that was a given but who wouldn't be if you were threatened by the 'suga' and then had a member shot right in front of you as an example. Most of those boys probably haven't even seen a dead person up close let alone see one get shot right in front of them. I chuckle to myself. It didn't matter. Everyone was eventually forced to do things they didn't want to do, that's just the way life goes. 

I packed up all my things and started to make my way back to ZICO'S. It took my less time to get there than it did to leave. But that was okay. I just wanted to sleep when I got there anyway. 

 

I opened the door to our shared room only to see that it was empty and dark.   
"Z, are you in here ?" I turned on the light and walked in a bit further trying to pave my way to the bathroom in hopes that he was waiting for me in there with a bath drawn and a sweet smelling aroma filling the air. But instead of finding a fantasy I'd discovered a nightmare. The empty bathroom mocked me. I looked into it more but I wasn't blessed with finding anything human like. 

I felt hands around my neck and I couldn't breathe. I tried to fight my way to see who it was behind me but today wasn't my fucking day. I started to feel scared. I haven't felt that in a long time. My lungs started to constrict from the lack of oxygen and anxiety. Where was he ?   
I felt dizzy.   
I need him.  
I tried to speak but it only came out as a broken croak.   
I felt my legs give out and my mind go blank with darkness. 

I didn't want to see them again but I had no choice. I wasn't ready to face my demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD forgive me , i wasn't planning to end it like this. Ni really wanted some Zico and yoongi romance but my mind said no .


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I had writers block but turns out I just write better when I've only had 3 hours of sleep.. Please enjoy the suffering. Yell at me in the comments if anyone is still reading this.

....  
P.J.

I was confused. Was I supposed to not tell the others where yoongi was or lie to them? Why did he not tell everyone that he was in a gang ? That felt like much needed information prior to making a group. 

 

I didn't know what was worse: me crushing hard on a guy I thought I knew but apparently don't or that he was in a well known gang that took part in hurting one of their friends already. Bless poor tae's brother, rip. 

 

I took another shot of liquor and placed the empty shit glass back down on the table beside me, quietly thanking my father for giving me a rare American whiskey as a celebratory gift for graduation. Lonely drunk,but at least he loved me enough to support me and my dreams of being a dancer. 

 

I finished putting everything away when I was done and sat down on the couch to relish in my self pity when I was rudely interrupted by my phone. It was a constant buzzing. I probably should have answered the first time they called but I was to...busy. 

 

"Jimin"  
"Yes ?"  
Zico was huffing and puffing on the other line like he'd just ran 5 miles straight. 

"I need your address. I can't text right now but text it to me after this call. Okay?" 

 

Why did he need my address and why did it sound like he was in the middle of fucking yoongi into the bed ? I thought about it for a moment before I answered confirming I'd send him my address. 

 

"Why do you need it?"  
"WILL YOU BE CAREFUL?! listen Jimin, I'll talk to you when I get there. I don't have enough time right now to explain everything. Trust me alright ?"  
"Mmm, fine. Just you , no one else."  
"You have my word. Be there in 50."

He hung up the phone and I was left in my confused state, only to be.. More fucking lost. 

 

 

Zico was a man of his words. 50 minutes on the dot.  
The knocking at my door to the apartment I shared with Jungkook and taehyung was none other than the gang boss himself , standing in front of me with sweat rolling down his face and something slung over his shoulder. 

 

"I need a bed or couch to put him."  
That was yoongi. He had yoongi, limply slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and instead of moving out of the way to allow him in, my mind started to question if he was hurt or worse. 

 

Noticing my panic Zico gently brushed past me and walked into the living room and as softly as he could, he put yoongi on the couch. 

 

" take a deep breath, close the door and come here." 

 

His voice was slow, calm, and caring. I wanted to laugh but I needed an explanation first. I took the deepest breath ever and held it in for a moment after closing the door. I looked over at the unconscious yoongi. He looked peaceful and angelic in a way. I let the breath out and made my way over to an open seat and sat down. 

 

"Alright, What's going on ?" I relaxed the best I could but not letting my guard down at all.  
Zico took a deep breath himself. He looked like he was about to cry. I almost wanted to hug him. Almost. 

 

"I need you to take care of him. I'm leaving and not coming back, I realize now that I should have left him alone but I am a selfish ass hole. He needs his friends now. Lease promise me that you will be by him for whatever reason, even if he pisses you off, you can't leave him or he will crumble and it will be too late to put him back together again."  
His voice trembled with the threat of tears that had started to gather behind the waterline.

 

Shit, he really cared about yoongi and All I could do was nod my head. 

 

"He-He killed the leader of that gang that was trailing me and one of their members. I'm sorry to leave you to pick up the mess but if he stays with me, there is no guarantee that he won't kill again for my name. He's so fucking loyal and stubborn." He took a moment to look down at the man with a noticeable loving look in his eye. I wanted to either cry or throw up at the thought of him loving yoongi like a normal person and not like the gang leader he was known to be. I was a little jealous.

 

"I'll keep in touch with you for a while, but change my name in your phone incase he gets snoopy. I can't risk him going out to look for me. I can't say that I would tell him he shouldn't be with me, because I want him but this is best. I have to get going, he's going to wake up soon and I can't be here otherwise it will be messy. Give him some time to open up to you, he's been though a lot, and most of it is not something he should have been through." He kept his voice low and smooth. Again, I could only nod my head. 

 

I watched him lean down on the couch and hug yoongi as tight as he could, he was whispering in his ear like the boy could hear him and respond. The scene was heartbreaking enough for me to look away to give them needed privacy. 

 

It was over soon, and I could see the tear marks that ran down his cheeks and he left without another word. I was left to the silence and my own thoughts of everything that had just happened. I looked over at yoongi he looked like he was sleeping now and not on the edge of death. I shook my head and walked into my kitchen. I wasn't drunk enough for any of this yet I didn't want to be. I watched the older man from the other side of the counter, waiting for him to wake up. I didn't know what was going to happen but I made a promise to keep him safe and watch him so that's what I was going to do. I pulled up a barstool and sat down and scrolled though my phone, looking up periodically to see if he was up and moving. 

 

 

At some point I fell a sleep and I cursed myself for it having dropped my phone on the floor. I licked it up and prayed that it was still okay. I couldn't afford a new one with rent coming up soon. I looked up after getting my phone back from the floor to see yoongi looking me deadass in the eyes. He looked mad. 

 

"H-Hey, how are you feeling ?" He looked ready to murder me at any moment. He was so unreadable and unpredictable, but that was exciting too. 

 

He finally looked away before he answered and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding until my lungs started to burn. 

 

"Where is Zico and why am I here and not with him?" He looked around my house and I looked for a believable lie. Fuck Zico for not helping me out for this moment. How would he react if I told him Zico left him? Would he go looking for him or kill me first then go looking for him? No, he wouldn't harm his friends. 

 

"I'm not sure, he um, he called me said you were missing, I went out to look for you and found you at the studio a sleep or something on the floor. I assumed you wanted to write and passed out from exhaustion." That was fucking pathetic. He didn't even look like he believes me in the slightest.  
"Do you remember-"  
"How much do you know?" 

 

That was rude but it was so yoongi to interrupt mid question. I guess he wanted the truth this time. 

 

"I know a bit, just..... what Zico wanted to tell me at least. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want me to know though." I spat quickly incase he wanted to interrupt again but he didn't. He just looked at the ground and I waited for him to say something back.

 

"Tell me then." The air in the room felt different now. The hostility that filled it when I woke up left and was replaced by something like fear? What did he have to fear ? Wasn't he some big and bad gang member? 

"I know that you wer-are in a gang with Zico, I know you've killed ... A lot of people...here recently too...." I dropped my voice. "That's all though. " 

"Where is Zico? I should be with him right now." The emotional scene between the two before flashed in my head for a moment. Zico leaning down into yoongi hugging him and whispering into his ear.  
'Please stay safe, your friends will take care of you more than I ever will. Don't push them away, let them love you. You're never alone.' 

I watched as yoongi ran a hand through is hair looking like he was in the edge is a panic attack. I rushed my way over to his side as casually as I could and sat down next to him "do you want some food or something to drink ? We can go out. I will be my treat." He didn't look at me but he turned me down with the shake of his head. I resisted the urge to text Zico telling him I couldn't handle this, how could he think I could handle an almost stranger. But instead I wrapped my arms around yoongi and held him tight just like Zico had before he left. It seemed to calm him down a little but he was still tense. 

My poor yoongi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cliffhangers are legendary. Love me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I got sick with this damn ceder fever and it only got worse and now I have a legit cold that wasn't caused by pollen. Ugh. 
> 
> Also , I have a new fic. It's a collab with 2 others called last thoughts. Check it out if you haven't already.

....  
M.Y.

I jumped awake after a loud bang woke me from my sleep. I couldn't remember anything that was going on in my dream but I did know that I wanted to wake up badly but I was unable to. 

I felt alone,scared, worried. I didn't know where I was, how I'd gotten to such a bland colorless place while I was out but I didn't care. I needed to find z. I felt my heartbeat quicken when I realized what was going on.

I had been abandoned and left at a stranger's house to fend for myself. I looked over the place slowly taking everything in until I was met by orange hair gently splayed over the white counter top. Whoever they are seemed to be passed the hell out and didn't seem to be waking up anytime soon. I took the opportunity up to look around. If I waited for them to wake up maybe they could give me some answers, or not. 

It was a clean, mostly, looking place save for the random cups laying around. I used the -very clean- bathroom and washed my hands after with caramel smelling hand soap. I walked back to the couch and sat down and waited. 

I was starting to doze off until I heard the faint rustling of clothes. I looked over to watch the person bend down and pick up something from the ground. 

Oh….its Jimin…

My eyes locked with his. He looked scared, why? I kept my emotions under control. 

 

"H-Hey, how are you feeling ?" Oh yeah ,he was scared.I ignored his question and went for what concerned me most. 

 

"Where is Zico and why am I here and not with him?" 

 

"I'm not sure, he um, he called me said you were missing, I went out to look for you and found you at the studio a sleep or something on the floor. I assumed you wanted to write and passed out from exhaustion.” I felt my eyes squint. I knew where I was. I know what I did. I let him keep the lie. 

"Do you remember-"  
I interrupted. "How much do you know?"  
I was curious on how much he knew about my past life.i felt my body start to shake. 

‘He knows everything. Kill him too.’   
No, I need him. He is here to answer all of my questions. 

"I know a bit, just..... what Zico wanted to tell me at least. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want me to know though." At least Zico had some sort of filter. 

"Tell me then."

"I know that you wer-are in a gang with Zico, I know you've killed ... A lot of   
people...here recently too....That's all though. "

his voice dropped again. I didn't like where this was going.a bad feeling attacked me. I needed Zico, my boyfriend, my comfort. I felt even more lost than I had before. 

"Where is Zico? I should be with him right now." The onset of a panic attack washed through me. When I got no reply, my entire world crashed down on me. He left me. I couldn't hear anything. I wanted to be happy with z, I wanted to be by his side forever. 

‘He left you because you're insane. He didn't want to deal with you.’ 

I shoved my head into my hands. 

No, he would never leave me because he couldn't handle me. He was the only one who could. He loved me. I loved him. 

A flash of my parents bodies ran through my mind. 

‘You killed them and now you have no one to help you. You've destroyed us in more ways than one.’   
I can't go back. I'll never find him again. He's going to run and hide again. 

I felt the seat next to me move. Jimin must have sat down. He was asking me something but I could only hear the voice in my head and the sobs that left my mouth. I just shook my head. I didn't want anything if it wasn't Zico. 

The feelings of arms being wrapped around me gently calmed the panic just a bit. I still wanted to die. That was going to stay, just like his voice. The only thing that would remind me of him now. 

I let my walls crumble down while in this almost strangers arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show yoongis side . Now the real ish begins.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever lmao   
> I really have no excuse. 
> 
> But I have been sick, but that's about it and it's not really that bad. The motivation has been an issue too. 
> 
> IM WORKING ON A VISUAL FOR THIS STORY. ITS GONNA BE AWESOME.

….  
P.J.

He didn't do much. At most he ate but then went back to his corner that he made himself comfortable in, even though I'd offered my spare bedroom to him.   
A few days had passed after his episode but he didn't talk to me unless it was to ask for something to eat. 

He made a nest for himself out of the blankets I handed him and slept on top of them.   
It was a little cold out at night so I risked having to pay a few extra for turning the heat up for him. 

After the first day I got a text from Zico asking how yoongi was. I didn't answer him. He didn't deserve to know yet. He should be here to help yoongi understand why this is good for him to be away from Zico and the Gang. 

A loud bang disrupted my thoughts. I got up from the bed and walked out into the living room. My heart rate picked up faster than the adrenaline. 

Yoongi was on the ground curled up in a ball with his phone busted, he was shaking. 

“Yoongi, what's wrong ?” He was mumbling something. Something about his mother and father? Zico?   
“ Yoongi…”   
I walked closer to him as slowly as I could and placed my hand on his back. He turned around to face me. He looked scared, sad.....broken. 

I looked him over to make sure nothing had happened to him and that's when I noticed his left arm. 

Thanks to him wearing a loose sweatshirt the sleeve rolled up when he curled himself into a ball on the carpet allowing large scabs for in on his wrist and forearm to be shown. I looked past it for now. I needed to get him into his corner the best that I could. I ran my hand softly through my hair before taking a deep breath. I needed every bit of my strength to lift dead weight off the floor and move it about 30 feet to the left of me. 

I slid my left arm under his knees and snakes my right arm through one of his arms and lifted. He wasn't that heavy, but he wasn't light neither. 

It all went to shit after that. 

He started to struggle in my arms all while his eyes were closed and thrashed his arms around almost hitting my face a few times. I'd almost made it to his nest when his eyes opened and his head snapped towards my direction. His eyes looked inhuman, almost as if he had never been around any human interaction. 

He may have been semi easy to carry but he was fucking strong. 

He pushed himself out of my arms with just one shove landing himself on his feet. We were the same height but as he looked into my eyes I felt like he was looking down on me.

I was scared playing with the unknown like this and I was fully aware that I was showing my fear.

I tried backing away slowly but he lunged at me causing me to trip over myself and collide with the ground. I felt pain instantly shoot through the back of my head I threw my hands back as a reaction and held the spot.

“Y-Yoongi stop. Leave me alone.” I curled into myself as the pain grew. I started to feel light headed and tired but yoongi was still stalking toward me slowly. I held my eyes shut for a moment trying to concentrate on anything but the pain and it really helped when I felt a pair of hands their way around my throat, coiling fingers laced tight, squeezing until no more air could make it in nor out. My eyes flashed open and I saw a blank faced yoongi on top of me. 

I was really scared now, and slightly pissed at Zico for leaving me with such a mess to deal with. 

My lungs started to burn and beg to be filled with oxygen while my brain throbbed and bled through the open wound in the back. I felt tears starting to spill from the ends of my eye and my lips form yoongis name even though nothing came out. 

And then it stopped. 

Air rushed into my body with the help of gasping for it and my head heart a little less. Yoongi let me go and he backed away into his corner. I freed my hands from the back of my head but then I started to feel liquid Jimin pour out of the gash causing me to bring them back. 

I moved my body in a way that made it easier for me to get up without the use of my hands and in no time I was up and standing, looking at yoongi whose eyes were still on me only they showed pain and most likely, regret. 

“Yoongi, it's ok. Come here.” I crouched down and once again removed my hands and let them hang down by my sides. The objective was to appear as non threatening as possible. It started to work as he slowly made his way back to me. 

“ it's okay yoongi. Accidents happen. Everything is gonna be ok. Let Jimin hug you , okay?” He only nodded but I took note at his more slightly relaxed body language and slowly wrapped my arms around him. He was quiet for a while after that and when I looked down he seemed to be asleep. I let out a deep sigh and rubbed circles on his back. I heard my phone ring but I didn't bother to get it. It can wait. 

 

….  
M.Y. 

I was fuckin hungry and hot. 

It was nice of Jimin to let me sleep in his house even if it wasn't in his spare room.

I made my way on the path to the kitchen when I felt a sharp pain in the left side of my head. I dropped to the floor unable to do anything on my own. 

‘ you took him away from us! You're no good to him, bring him back.’   
He left us on his own, I didn't do anything ! Leave me alone, just let me live..”   
‘No.’ 

I saw Jimin come out of his room and rush over to my side but I couldn't hear him, I only saw his mouth moving. 

I felt really angry at him for no reason, or so I thought. 

‘Hurt him, make him take us to Zico .’   
No, he's my friend! 

I had no control over my body what so ever and it took a while before I saw any of my limbs move against my will. 

Jimin picked me up, he was strong for such a small boy, and he started to carry me towards the corner of the room. But my arms pushed my body out of his grasp and I took to the floor like a cat landing on my feet. He looked scared at I stared at him. 

‘Time to have some real fun!’ 

I watched in horror as Jimin backed away from me slowly. I felt myself lunge at him and it caused him to fall back and hit his head. He wound himself into a ball holding the back of his head. Clearly it was bleeding, quite a bit too.

He closed his eyes and that's when I felt my hands wrap around his neck. 

Stop, don't hurt him. He's just trying to help!  
‘He will take us to the one we love! Shut up!’ 

The grip grew tighter and tighter.

No! I said let him go and I mean it !   
I gained control back and I let go of Jimin's neck. I heard him gasp for air and I pushed myself far enough away from him in case I lost my mind. 

He was still holding the back of his head trying to keep it from bleeding all over himself. I felt bad, really really bad. I wanted to take the hurt away. I didn't want to be around Jimin or anyone else if it meant that they would get hurt because of me and I couldn't tell anyone else the truth either. They'd only want to try and help me. 

“Yoongi, it's ok. Come here.” 

His voice snapped my mind free of any bad thoughts. I looked at him and he stared lovingly into my eyes like I hadn't just tried to kill him. 

“ it's okay yoongi. Accidents happen. Everything is gonna be ok. Let Jimin hug you , okay?” I nodded my head. I didn't trust myself to talk yet, Afraid of saying something that would hurt him again. He scooted closer to me and let go of his head just to bring me back into his arms. I felt oddly safe and also tired and I couldn't resist a nice nap with the addition of being held as well so I took advantage of it and fell asleep. 

For the first time in a month I felt more sane than I had ever been.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I've been busy and I hit writers block with all of my projects but hopefully that's over. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll update sooner next time !

….  
M.Y.

There was a strong metallic smell in the air. I didn't have to have my eyes open to know where it was coming from and who it belonged to, I caused it. 

“Jimin….?” Of course I was going to worry. How long was I asleep though?  
There was a small noise to the left. I opened my eyes as fast as I could without being attacked by whatever light was left. Air escaped my lungs when I looked over to the boy. His eyes were closed and he looked very pale. 

Shit. 

‘Blame yourself ‘   
It was me, I did do this. 

I reached for my phone but it wasn't in my pocket. I must have left it at ZICO'S.   
“Jimin, where's your phone ? I need to call namjoon or an ambulance.” He made a small noise in pain. I pushed myself off the floor slowly and started to look around but it wasn't anywhere in plain sight. I hadn't checked Jimin himself however. I rushed over to him and patted down his pants before finding his phone in his back pocket. I took it out ignoring the awkwardness and unlocked it. 

The wallpaper caught me off guard first. It was me, a picture of my sleeping face while my head was in Jimin's lap. He must have took it last night. I looked over at him before remembering he needed medical help. 

Namjoon: he lived a short distance away from taehyung, Jungkook's, and jimin's apartment, but double the time. 

Ambulance: longer distance, but shorter amount of time. Added fees. 

I called the emergency hotline. 

I sat with Jimin on the floor waiting for the paramedics to arrive up. He was cold to the touch and the dried blood clumped his hair to the back of his head. He might have had a small concussion as well as a fracture. I cussed myself for causing him harm. Purposely or not it was only going to be my fault. 

As assumed, namjoon arrived before the paramedics. His absence of knocking only proved how worried and mad he was. 

“Your text was very vague, yoon. What happened exactly ?” I didn't bother telling him.   
“Go with him to the hospital. I'm going to stay here and clean up. I'll tell everyone later.” I tried to persuade him with my most uninterested voice I'd ever had and it seemed to only work a little before a knock came at the door.   
“I told them he tripped and fell back hitting the table. I'll be in the room .” 

I got up without any answer from the other. I left Jimin's phone on hop of his pens and walked back to His room and sat in the empty corner. Everyone will be at the hospital with the boy so I had time to be alone, a blessing and a curse. 

….  
P.J

“My fucking head hurts.” 

I felt cold, hungry, and in need of a very powerful headache killer. I couldn't hear much besides my own voice for a moment and then everything focused. 

“Where am I and where is Yoongi ?” My heart rate on the screen started to increase as I steadily panicked. Namjoon, Jin, taehyung, and Jungkook were all around me looking at me like I was a ghost. 

“Hello?” 

They visably shook their heads and snapped out of whatever trace they were in but only Namjoon spoke up. 

“He's, he's back at your place. I sent hobi there to check on him and make sure he was ok. ………..Jimin how did you hurt your head ?” 

“I fell. I was going to get some water and I tripped over my own feet and fell onto a chair and hit my head on it. Yoongi was there and helped me. Probably would have died if he hadn't been there.” They didn't have to know the whole truth. 

“Where is my phone?”

Namjoon reached into a pocket on his jacket and took out a nice iPhone. I prayed he didn't drop it like he has his. “Here. Yoongi told me to take it with me.” 

“Thank you.”   
3 missed calls from ‘dico’ 

2 texts from dico

I looked at my phone confused. Why had he called and text me? I unlocked the phone and looked at my texts first and there I saw it. The answer to all my issues in the past 5 days.   
...  
Me: what the hell is wrong with Yoongi? He just attacked me and now he's laying in my lap like he didn't just have his hands around my throat. I didn't sign up for this half dico!  
..  
Why did I send that? I wasn't that out of it…..was I? I looked at everyone in the room. They still looked scared. Did I say anything while I was out ? What if I had told them what happened while I wasn't in the right mind. I had just lied to them too. Shit. I finished looking at the texts.   
..  
Dico: I can explain but not right now. I didn't have time to tell you that night and a lot of shit has gone down since. I'm busy. I'll call you later. 

Dico: why aren't you answering your phone? You can't possibly be a sleep still. It's 10 in the morning. 

…

“Fuck!” I threw my head back and looked up at the ceiling. I winced as the back of my head slammed on the pillow hard. This wasn't good. None of this had a good feeling to it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Triggers warning 
> 
> Grafic content warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates within 2 weeks?! Ah I spoil you guys. 
> 
> Lol not really. This is makeup and asking for forgiveness. 
> 
> Enjoy. Tell me your thoughts.

….  
M.Y. 

“Why did you do that? Jimin is my friend, he isn't going to hurt us. I didn't want to hurt him, you knew that. Why why why?”

‘He is not zico, he doesn't matter to us.’ 

“Yes he does! He matters more than my mom and dad did, he matters more than Zico because he hasn't abandoned me. He matters and you had me nearly kill him…” 

‘No one will ever matter more than the only person we love.’ 

“I don't think I love him anymore. Whatever feelings I have towards him are because of you. They are artificial, not real,not me. You're not real either, you're only in my head! I want to be left alone. Why won't you go away again? I want you out of my head!” 

‘I'm not going anywhere.’ 

“I guess I'll just have to make you then. Can't make me do anything if you're dead! If I die you should to, everyone will be safer that way.” 

‘We can't leave Zico, he needs us.’ 

“He doesn't and neither does anyone else.” I got up from the bed and walk out the door to the kitchen. Jimin had to have a knife somewhere around here. I started opening all the drawers two at a time until I found the silverware. Of course Jimin would only have butter knives. I closed the drawer and started looking around on the counter tops. What was that thing called? Cutting board? No.   
Then I spotted it, the knife block next to the stove on the far end. I rushed to it and quickly grabbed a knife randomly from the block. 

‘I'll do it again. Don't try it.’ 

I pressed the knife tip against my wrist vertically. “Try me! I dare you to take my body over again!” Blood started to pool where the sharp tip had broke the top thin layer of skin. 

The same sharp pain in my head came back, but it only made my press harder and drag the blade up a bit. 

“Stop!” 

“No.” 

The pain grew as it spread to the back of my head. I let out a loud growl. 

“Ill only drag the knife up further, back off.”

“I can't do that. Zico is waitin-”

“Shut the fuck up about Zico, he is nothing, he will forever be nothing!”  
I dropped the blade and grabbed my head. The pain was killer.

“Jimin.. Jimin help! Please! Jimin!” Tears started to fall and the voice fell silent but the pain was even worse. I was crying. 

The door had opened without my notice but I didn't let the hands touching me go past my aching mind. 

“Stop, stop, let me have control back. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.” The hands stopped touching but I could clearly hear a voice next to me. 

“Yoongi? Hey, are you okay, what happened ?”   
“Hobi..?”   
“Yoongi you're bleeding. Come on, get up so I can help you.”   
“No, stop you can't. Don't touch me, I don't want to hurt you too. Get back...please...just stay back.”   
The pain started to subside, thank god. I opened my eyes to see a worried looking hoseok standing between the archway into the living room. I could see him shaking, probably because of the blood. He'd always been a little squeamish as we grew up only to get worse as an adult. 

Once the pain had fully went away I was left weak and bleeding on the kitchen floor. “Hobi, I need help. I can't move on my own. It's ok now, I'm ok now. “   
It took him a moment before he had finally moved from his spot but i wasn't in any rush. I could have easily slept on the kitchen floor just the same as a bed. 

“I'm sorry.”  
“What the hell was that? I heard you yelling from across the hall. People were looking out their doors looking scared. I was worried you were being held at gunpoint. I wasn't expecting to see you all alone crying on the ground yelling at yourself with a knife a few inches away from you and blood all over the floor.” 

“I was arguing with someone over the phone before you came in.”   
“I didn't see any phone.”   
We made it to the bedroom finally. Hoseok guiding me onto the bed and letting me get situated before I spoke again.   
“I had thrown it before you came in. I was arguing with Zico. He's become too clingy and I needed my space he didn't understand and yelled at me, I got mad, threw my phone and then you came in.im tired. You can fix me up but I'm going to nap.” I set my head on the pillow and turned it away from him. I wasn't going to be bothered for a while since everyone was with Jimin at the hospital. Probably wouldn't be back until later tonight. I blankly stared at the wall until I was able to finally sleep. 

He didn't look like he believed the story, I didn't either but I was too tired to come up with a top notch cover story. I wasn't exactly expecting anyone to walk in on me either.i closed my eyes and let exhaustion take over. 

….  
P.J

“Yeah, alright just stay with him and watch him. Yes. He's fine. Yeah. I'll let him know. Alright, thank you hobi. Good night . “ 

Everyone’s eyes were on Namjoon. 

Hoseok had called right after the nurse had come in to check me once more before I left the hospital for the week. 

“Is Yoongi okay?” Jin looked at Namjoon when he spoke.His face looked a little paler than it should have been. Being the “mother “ of the group he worried a little more about our well being than ourselves. 

Namjoon turned to look at him. “ hobi said Yoongi was yelling at someone about something. He heard the shouting from down the hall even-” 

“Great,Che neighbors are gonna love that.” Jungkook shot in looking at taehyung who nodded. “Might have to talk to the landlord as soon as we get done here.” 

“Namjoon, hello? Is Yoongi ok?” I ignored the glances as I spoke. I was worried about him and the worry only grew the longer Zico took to answer my text. What was wrong with him? 

“He harmed himself a little. It wasn't too bad I guess because he said he treated it without stitches but we should probably get him check out too.”   
I closed my eyes. This was my fault. I shouldn't have let Zico bring him to everyone. 

“What are we going to do about the contract? Yoongi can't operate like this and have the stress of being an idol trainee on top of that.” Jin's voice was low and full of concern. Everyone knew how much Yoongi wanted to be in music and start getting recognized for it. 

“ I'll talk to the big hit guy see if we can wait a few months before we make the final decision and see if Yoongi gets any better.” Namjoon paced the floor as he spoke and it only added to the restlessness for everyone. 

“I want to be with him when we leave this hospital. No buts. I was asked to watch him and so far I'm doing a shit job of it.” Looking directly into their eyes I made sure they knew I was going to be with Yoongi either way. 

“Alright. We all will be there.”   
“No. Just me. I need to talk to him and I don't think he will open up if everyone is there.”   
“We can't trust him right now.”   
“I don't care. Alone or we will leave you all later.”   
“What about me and taehyung? We live there too!”   
“Room with hobi for now or something. I need to be with Yoongi alone and I have no where else to go.” 

Namjoon threw his hands up in defeat. “ fine, just call us if you're hurt again or scared.” I nodded. 

..  
P.J.  
The moment the door opened to the apartment it felt eerily quiet. Had hobi left Yoongi or were they just being quiet ? 

I looked in the kitchen. 

No one. 

Living room. 

No.

Yoongi’s nest. 

Nope. 

Letting out a groan I looked in my bedroom first out of the 2 rooms.

Yoongi was there laying on my bed, blankets pulled over him to keep him warm while he squished himself into the pillow. I felt my heart skip.

He wasn't scary as he slept in fact He looked kind of at peace and cute. I made my way over to the bed and sat down on it. My phone read that it was only 4 pm but I felt like a nap was in order. 

I pulled the blanket up around me and laid myself down next to Yoongi and closed my eyes. We can talk in a few hours. Nothing was more important that quality sleep time with your crush.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for no motivation, am I right ? 
> 
>  
> 
> Here it is. Let me know hot you think about the foundation for yoonmin. For my yoonzi fans. Don't worry, Zico is still semi in the picture m he's like ..photo bombing .

....

M.Y. P.J. (3rd person)

It was warmer than when Yoongi had gone to bed some hours before and he was hot. Burning in fact. When he opened one of his eyes he saw a mess of orange hair.Jimin, he looked nice when he slept, very peaceful. Yoongi took in a breath and let it out slowly. Jimin had nice, very plush, soft looking lips. His face has some slight baby fat to it still but it only added to his cuteness. Yoongi’s heart started to beat rapidly for thinking such stupid, thoughtful, things. He rushed off the bed as smoothly as he could without waking Jimin up.

The older walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He looked up into the mirror for a quick second and automatically he started regretting walking into the room all together.

‘You're not being faithful.’  
“Go away.”  
‘You should have killed him when you had the chance.’  
“No, he deserves to live. I can not help that I walked into his life,how ever I did, only fucked him up. He deserves to be loved just as well as I do.”

Yoongi forced himself to turn to the shower and get undressed. He let the hot water run for a while before turning the cold on just a bit. The heat hitting his skin calmed him down. He was slowly starting to understand himself. Learning he would no longer let his guard down around Jimin or anyone else. He remembered the BIGHIT contract. It'd been 3 weeks since then, maybe he could still sign it if everyone wanted to join him.

-  
Jimin woke up feeling cold. He'd fallen asleep next to Yoongi hours ago but now he was alone. Jimin only panicked a lil, he swears. But he flew out of the bed and out of the room with such speed it scared him even.

He looked in the living room and was met with an empty space. Starting to think that Yoongi had run away while he was sleeping until he passed the bathroom.

‘ _You're not being faithful.’_  
_“Go.”_  
_‘You should have killed him when you had the chance.’_  
_“No, he deserves to live. I can not help that me walking into his life,however I did, only fucked him up. He deserves to be loved just as well as I do.”_

Yoongi was speaking to himself in what sounded like two different voices. His own and a deeper set, more gruff voice. Jimin couldn't believe his ears. He heard the water turn on next, he took the moment I stride and went back to the room.

“ _No, he deserves to live. I can not help that me walking into his life,however I did, only fucked him up. He deserves to be loved just as well as I do.”_

Jimin thought for a bit. Did that mean he liked Jimin too or that Jimin just deserved love just like everyone else? Who wasn't he being faithful to-

Then it clicked.

Yoongi still has feelings for Zico, even though the dick abandoned him here with Jimin. He must still believe that Zico was going to come back.

Jimin jumped when his phone started going off in the bedroom. He rushed over to answer it before it went to voicemail.

- _Hello?_

_  
Park Jimin?_

_  
Yes?_

__  
It's Zico, we need to have that talk about Yoongi. _Is he around ?_  


 

_He's in the shower, it will be a while but  
Hurry and explain._

_There was a sigh on ZICO'S half._

_Yoongi, he's different now. Something happened to him_  
When he was with me… I'm not sure how to explain it  
Any clearer than than this.  
He has developed a split personality. It doesn't just effect his  
Attitude but it changes his entire person,  
like it takes over and he can't stop it for some reason.  
How many times has he “changed” in front of you so far?

 

Jimin went quiet as he listened. A personality disorder? Could that explain his talking to himself in different voices?

 

_He's only done it once but it wasn't anything light._  
_It actually sent me to the hospital for a few hours and a mild concussion._

 

Zico sucked his teeth on the other side of the phone lazily. Jimin heard the door to the bathroom open and the clearing of a throat. He mumbled a bye into the phone before hanging up and setting it on the dresser next to him. He had to be careful of his actions since he had no idea what could set Yoongi off. He didn't have a death wish, but he liked the blond haired asshole so he is willing to watch his own steps.

Once Yoongi walked in the mood of the room went from calm and a little excited to on edge and protective.  
Hey Yoongi. Did you sleep well? Jimins voice was small and quiet, not to excited but slow and caring. He also topped it off with a smile. Yoongi looked at him and then turned around looking at the floor.jimins heart started to beast fast.

“It...was nice.” There was a long moment of silence before yoongi’s mouth opened again. “I'm sorry you had to go to the hospital..because of me.” Yoongi refused to look up from the floor. Half expecting to fight himself to do so as well but he didn't feel different than when he had before the rediscovery of his “other”.

Jimin smiled.” It's okay Yoongi. I'm not mad, we are still going to be friends, if you want.” Jimin fiddled with his hands. Why is he so nervous? He blamed dico.

“I..don't know. I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to hurt any of my friends,I don't like it.” Yoongi shook his head. The confession hurt him but another part couldn't help but feel relived. Hate left a bad taste in his mouth, and sadly it was all he could think of himself at the moment.

Jimins heart dropped a little but he stayed open minded about the situation. “It's okay. I don't think you'll hurt me again. I'll help you fix whatever is wrong,just please don't leave me. I want to be your friend Yoongi, I'll help you. I swear on it.”

“No, I don't want to take the chance. It's not a responsibility I should push off on someone I hardly know. You've done enough for me as it is. I think it's time that I go home.” Yoongi started to look for his phone when he remembered he left it at ZICO'S. He let out a sigh and started walking towards the bedroom door. “I'm sorry Jimin. Thank you for everything.”

Jimin started to really panic. His crush was walking out the door simply because he didn't want to hurt Jimin, and he couldn't let that stand as it was. Yoongi was halfway to the door before Jimin grabbed him by the arm.

“You're not leaving me, please Yoongi. I need you and you need me.” All morals out the window now as Jimin shoved his lips onto yoongi's. It was a desperate messy kiss but it held feelings he only had for the older no one could replace. Yoongi didn't kiss back but he wasn't pulling away either until Jimin broke contact first. He let out a deep breath he was holding. “Stay with me, please.” Jimin pleaded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> formatting this was hell. 
> 
> Please wait for my next update my beans. 
> 
> No update next month, I'm moving and all that nice stuff. Bill still write here and there. 
> 
> ALSO IF YOU WANNA READ A SPECIAL STORY AS A ONE SHOT , IM TAKING REQUESTS AND WILL BE POSTED ON'Bangtan shots'. Thanks


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writers block is a bitch, and i know i said i wasnt going to post this month because i moved and everything but imade everyone wait so long already. 
> 
> so please enjoy this filler for the time being.

….  
M.Y.

My mind, what was left of it, was a mess. 

Jimin kissed me. It wasn't even a whole week after being in the hospital because of me and he was already begging me to stay with him and kissing me. 

I was scared.

the younger is cute, no need to lie, but I wasn't stable, especially around him sometimes. The other part of me wanted Jimin dead, leaving the open hole in my heart to be filled with the one who left me with him in the first place. He didn't need me, he needed to be protected from me. I couldn't trust myself around any of my friends, not anymore, until I gained control back or the voice went away. Something in my gut told me that it wasn't going to go away on its own, and that was worrisome nothing like etching doubt to drive the stake deeper.

“I can't jimin. We hardly know each other yet we are living together, and i don't want to hurt anyone of my friends if i accidently hurt you. We were lucky this time it was just a small concussion and some bleeding and not near death. I've done shit, bad, bad shit. I'm a lost cause for you. I'm sorry i have stayed this long. I was just expecting zico to come, overly hopeful. But i'll be leaving now.” 

Tears started to gather in the rims of jimin's eyes, bottom lip trembling slightly. 

I looked at him confused. 

“ why are you crying?”   
He didn't answer me as the tears started to fall down his face, finally. 

“Jimin? Answer me please.”  
He just shook his head and went to hug my waist. I tried to shrug away at the contact but i'd been a second too late. Jimin started to cry more all while mumbling a mess of words into my skin. I forcefully moved his head up to look me in the eyes. 

“ what are you saying jimin ?”

“ i said, i like you.” his face reddened slightly and i only stood there in shock of being confessed to for the first time in my life. 

Neither me or zico confessed to each other, we just kinda started to fuck. And it was great. He’d always put my on my ass after a round and i was satisfied until the next night. 

“Jimin, you don’t know me, how can you be sure you like me?” i questioned. I was curious as to what gave him the idea that he liked me, monster, killer, murder, me.   
“ i know you, i know a lot about you!” his voice raised causing it to squeak a bit in the middle.   
“ tell me how much you know then and not just what z had told you either.”

“ I-I know you like sleeping more than anything when you aren't writing, i know that your mom and dad didn't really agree with you and wanted you to share-share your money with them. You really want to be a rapper so you can li-live on your own.. But you can live with me, i like having you here. I know i live with taetae and kookie for now but i've already found a nice apartment it's 2 bedroom too. I'll have room. Please stay. I know you. I asked everyone about you.. I know you.” he whispered. I could only look down at him in amazement and shock. 

He was right. He did know me, and everything i've ever told hoseok. Which only made me feel like i shouldn't have giving that much trust to the guy in the first place, but i needed someone to talk to. However, there were still things jimin didn't know, that no one knew about. My parents house still stood vacant and i had just recently mailed out a card to the rest of my unwanted family saying that they were off the grid and trying to experience new things. 

“If i agree to stay will you stop crying on me?” he wasn't a very pretty cryer but it’s not his fault. Overall, jimin was very pretty, handsome, at that.   
Jimin nodded his head and held me tighter. It was nice to have skinship that wasn't taehyung who was overly strong on purpose or hoseok who was touchy. Jimin was just right. Maybe i wouldn't mind spending time with him, but it would be after he moves out of taehyung and jungkook's house. 

“ how much is that apartment you are looking at?” if I'm going to live there as well, i might as well pitch in. it took jimin a full moment before being able to answer the question. Thinking probably. 

“ 227267.56 won…” 

“ i can help with that. Where is it located?”

“ by namjoon and jin-hyung. They are the ones who helped me find it.”   
“ alright, tomorrow we will go and move your things in. i have enough to pay for the first 3 months of rent.” 

Jimin let me go and smiled at me. “ really ?!” the crow's feet at the end of his eyes were cute. I wanted to pull on them and move them around lightly with my finger and thumb. I nodded my head at him. “ yeah, it's the least i can do. Just don't cry anymore ok?” 

“ okay yoongi-hyung.im going to go pack. Can you help me?” he happily skipped away before i had the chance to reply to him, but i guess he already knew i was going to say yes and follow him back there. 

“Jimin… why do you have more than one pair of the same shirt?” i held the identical pairs in my hand after neatly folding them up. 

“ jungkookie forgets that he gets me the same shirt every year for my birthday. Its nice and comfy though so incase one of them gets ruined i have a back up. I think it's sweet of him.” he smiled again and giggled a tiny bit. I just nodded my head and placed it in his suitcase.

 

We finished getting his clothes and other necessary things ready to go for the move. I was tired from constantly moving back and forth for almost an hour so i laid down on his bed. Jimin sat next to me finishing whatever it was that he thought was more important than resting. 

“ do you still want to be in the group with us, even with all of this.?”Jimin all of a sudden speaks up in a quiet tone. If it wasn't as quiet as it was in the room, i doubt i would have heard it. To be frank, i was thinking the same thing not too long ago as well. I’m still unsure about it but i wouldn't mind trying it out for a little while at least.   
“ maybe, it all depends.” i didn't want to get the poor boys hopes up incase i couldn't do what he was wishing. Jimin let out a small hum before going back to what he was doing as had i, only being more successful with falling asleep this time.

Good night jiminie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holler at me in the comments


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you guys id update. 
> 
> its longer than the past once just because i wanted to move the yoonmin along   
> ill delete the fake chapter later

….  
P.j.

I watched yoongi as he slept. This would be the first time since he’s been here that we have slept in the same bed. I am excited to cuddle him and maybe … be cuddled by him. I am more excited to be cuddled by him. Hopefully he is a cuddle sleeper. 

I looked his body over. He was wearing one of my T-shirts, even being mine it was still a little too loose on him, but that's ok. He had a lot of scars on his arms. My arm extended and i softly traced over the many scars. The really long ones concerned me but it had explained why h worse jackets everywhere and long sleeves. 

I jumped when my phone started to ring.i rushed to pick it up so it wouldn't wake yoongi so i could keep looking at him without making it awkward. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, jimin. Its namjoon. I am just calling to see how things are.  
Everyone is a little worried still.”

“ everything is good hyung. I was going to wait until   
later to talk to you all but yoongi and i are gonna get an apartment   
Together tomorrow.”   
The smile in my voice was very much there and it made me even more happy. This was happening, i’m going to be living with yoongi. That's just one step from making him fall in love with me, right?

“ alright jimin, just be careful. We don't need you to end up in   
The hospital again. “

“ i know. Thank you for being concerned. I don't   
Think yoongi is gonna hurt me, not on purpose at least.” 

“ alright. Get some sleep jiminie. Good night.”

“ night hyung.”

I hung up the phone thinking about yoongi. It was a great feeling to actually have good thoughts about him and not be worried if he was going to leave in the middle of the night or not. 

I'll keep him safe.he needs someone to protect him from himself.   
I get my pajama pants on and a night shirt that was fit for comfortable cuddling and smiled to myself. I took a moment to figure out how i was going to get under the blankets without waking him up since he wanted to lay on top of them and not under before passing out. 

I looked around for a blanket i could use to keep me warm enough. I remembered all my blankets were on the floor in the corner of the room. I gave up and inched my way into the free space only hoping a lil that i would be cuddled so i didn't end up freezing to death during the night. 

 

I woke up, and i was mad that i had woken up at 3 in the morning.I wanted to know what had woken me up though since i was indeed being cuddled and under the blankets, yoongi was too. He must have gotten up in the middle of the night and got under. 

I was happy i am being cuddled until i heard mumbling. I carefully turned to yoongi to see what was going on. 

He was blinking and his eyes were moving fast behind his closed eyelids. It was a nice sight to see yoongi sleeping until i felt his grip tighten around waist. His arm was like a snake trying to kill its prey by squeezing it to death. What were those kinds of snakes called? Constrictors?   
It didn't even take long for it to get uncomfortable. 

“ yoongi, you are squishing me to death.” i shook in his arms in an attempt to wake him up.   
Despite falling a sleep quick, he was a light sleeper which made waking him up easy especially at the moment. He didn't say anything but he relaxed his grip and i could adjust myself so i was more comfortable. I chose to face him instead of having my back in his face. It was nice to have some sort of security at night now. 

I nuzzled my face deep into his neck. he smelled like pine and outdoors which was quite comforting and relaxing. I didn't want to leave but i had to be un in a few hours and move. I was excited to live with someone I love again. 

\--  
There was a loud sound of something being smashed that i woke up to. Without thinking about anything incase it was yoongi. Shooting up out of bed as fast as I could i quickly made it to the kitchen at the scene of a gruesome crime.

“Yoongi what are you doing?” the blond looked up quickly, his cheeks were dusted with pink.   
“I...um….i was going to make you breakfast before we left, but i greased the pan a little too much or got some on my hand and the lid fell off while i was trying to cover the bacon.” his voice was low and embarrassed. I thought it was the cutest thing id ever seen until he looked at me in the eyes and i wanted to rush over and hug the living fuck out of him. But something told me it was the right time yet and i listened.   
I gave him the sweetest eye smile i could muster and giggled at him.   
“Yoongi that's really nice of you. I've never had someone make me breakfast before. Thank you!”   
He gave me a shy smile before throwing the broken lid in the trash. “Do you have a brook somewhere? I don't wanna cut myself with the small pieces.”   
I gave him a nod before i pointed to the pantry. “ it's in there and the dustpan is next to it on the floor. Be careful. I can't see your feet from here so if you aren't wearing socks or slippers watch where you walk.” 

Yoongi nodded his head before he went off to clean. I walked back to the bedroom, making sure to shut the door first before i started to undress. It was mid morning so i figured i could get dressed for the big day this early and still have breakfast. 

I walked over to the suitcase that held my clothes. I picked out a long sleeved sweatshirt and a pair of blue skinny jeans and laid them on the bed. I needed accessories but they were packed in a different thing with my personals i packed last night while yoongi slept. 

I got back to the bed remembering that i needed my deodorant,That was still in the bathroom, and past the kitchen, past yoongi. 

I contemplated getting my sleep wear on just to get it but my laziness won over. I took a deep breath and walked towards the door in nothing but my underwear. Little did i know i was about to regret that choice and i shouldn't have been lazy about going back out.

Right as i opened the door i was face to naked face with yoongi who was holding a fist in the air like he was about to knock on the door before i opened it. He looked at me dead in the eyes for a long second before glancing down to the almost naked me. 

I might as well have been. My boxers weren't exactly “full coverage.” they were just really worn out from overuse. Totally normal. I still felt my face starting to heat up in embarrassment. I couldn't move, i was freaking out too damn much, my brain was having a meltdown. 

“I'll be in the living room.” yoongi turned around and walked out of the small hallway. Thankfully yoongi had sense enough to move and say something. I still stood there like an idiot. 

I ran, not figuratively, but literally ran to the bathroom to get what i needed and i double checked to make sure too. Once i was done i looked at myself in the mirror in my room and nodded. 

I looked fine as fuck. I'd fuck me. I smiled and walked out of the room. It only took 10 minuets to get dressed so breakfast was still warm thankfully. 

I looked at yoongi who sat on the couch chilling on his phone and smiled. “ hey im done. Are you ready to eat?” he didn't look up from his phone when he gave a nod but i was alright with that and walked into the kitchen.   
I had gotten my plate ready when i heard a hissing sound. Looking over i see yoongi looking right at me. I raised an eyebrow towards him. 

“Damn jiminie, if i knew you dressed like this i would have left you know who a while ago. I made a good choice deciding to move into an apartment together with you, not to mention what happened earlier but ya.”

I didn't even have to look in a mirror to see that i was blushing mad. “ whatever! Hurry up and eat so we can leave.” i shook my head at him and giggled. What a penny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please give me suggestions guys thanks


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao that wait tho.
> 
> not gonna lie i am very unmotivated to finish writing this story. 
> 
> anyway i need someone who can write smut. doesnt have to be good or anything but something. comment if you wanna help

….  
M.Y.

The drive wasn't very far, thankfully, but it was awkward in the car. I almost, almost had regretted making the comments i had to jimin earlier and seeing him half naked, might as well have been naked. He had such a nice toned body and his orange hair complemented it just the right amount too. 

I had almost popped but i have good control, so good i had to sit on the couch with my hand over my dick as he ran past me not once but twice. It took a lot of encouragement to get my lil buddy to simmer down but i did it.

Jimin was quite good looking. I personally wanted to thank his mother and father. 

“Turn up here on the right, namjoon and jin said they would be waiting outside the doors for us.” jimin looked up from his phone and looked at the side of my face. I nodded but kept looking at the road. I couldn't chance looking at him, afraid i might just park the car and jump him right then and there. Sure enough, just as he had said, we rolled up and there namjoon and jin were standing not quite in front of the building but to the side a bit kissing each other. I crept the car closer to them and honked the horn making the both of them jump. 

Jimin and i had laughed for a moment before i went to park the car.

“ so are you guys doing a hook up kind of thing in the front or are you actually together?” i looked at namjoon for a moment before looking at jin who was as red as a tomato. “ we were going to tell everyone a little later, so uh.. Please keep this a secret.” i nodded. 

Once everyone got up to the room, escorted by the lovely receptionist, i was fairly impressed. White walls, hardwood flooring, spacious kitchen/ dining room, the living room and dining room kitchen all connected with a bar separating the three. We moved to the bedrooms. They were pretty much the same size and across from each other with the bathroom at the end of the small hallway. 

“ this is a great place, how did you two manage to find such a gem?” i walked into the bedroom and stood in the middle of the white room looking around mentally placing my important things in the room. 

“ there was a listing in the paper and jin’s mother told us about it since it's bigger than our place but we are fine where we are.” namjoon placed his hand on jin’s lower back and jin smiled. “ we thought jiminie could use this more than us since sharing a place with kook and tae can be a little...overwhelming.” i nodded my head. I could see where they were coming from. The house was only clean while i was there because of jimin constantly picking up their stuff. It used to be such a wreck. 

“ well, let's get our stuff then. Jin do you think i could borrow your pickup for the day. I need to get my shit from hell.” his smile faltered a bit before he nodded. “ you guys can ride back with us to get it then. Leave your car here just make sure you let the front desk lady know so she can give you the pass so you can come in and out. We will be waiting in the car for you guys once you’re done looking around, joon and i have already looked around before.” they walked through the hallway and into the living room to make their exit. It was just me and jimin left in the room. He was too deep into thought, i didn't like it , a great need to make his mind unclouded came over me and thus i made my way towards him, slowly. 

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” i looked him up and down quickly before he could catch me. He was really working them pants the right way when he would cross and uncross his legs in place where he was standing. 

“ I'm just thinking about how I want to set up my room, I'm probably going to have to buy a new set. My current setup probably won't fit in here.” 

I nod my head. “ i am going to have to do the same thing i think. But i like it. Namjoon and jin have found a good place for you. Thank you for letting me stay with you.” jimin turns to me with a smile of kindness. “ it's ok, i wouldn't have asked if i minded ya’ know.” i nodded my head. Jimin was still smiling at me. His eyes crinkled at the outer edges , cute was all i could label it. 

I licked my lips slightly and then rushed to attach them to his much more softer ones. I could have died kissing those lips and i would have been happy with that. Would have gone to hell after but either way i was happy to have finally kissed the lips of my savior from the rock i was forced to be born on. 

I removed my lips from his for a moment to catch a the look on his face. His eyes were closed and a pink blush dusted his cheeks and his tongue poked out and rested on his lips for a moment. 

Beautiful.

I didn't waste a moment any longer and placed my lips back onto his making sure to gently snag his tongue with my teeth. A small giggle sounded and i couldn't hold myself back. I let his lips go and giggled to myself. 

“ you are so cute jiminie.” I mumbled under my breath. A few moments went by before he mentioned something that jimin didn't hear, too zoned out in thought. 

“What did you say yoongi?” he looked up at me genuinely interested in what I had said but passing it off i just shook my head not really feeling like repeating the thoughts now that jimin was actually listening. Jimin shrugged and turned back around before taking in a deep breath. “ alright are you ready to get our stuff in here?” he smiled as he started to walk out the door not waiting for me to reply but regardless i followed anyway all the way out of the apartment and into the hallway when i felt something in me fall away. 

‘Zico only, stop having these thoughts of that monkey.’  
‘Zico needs you’  
‘Kill him’  
‘End his life already’  
‘Feel his blood on your hands, the warmness of the fresh kill’

I shook my head trying to quiet the noise inside but it wasn't working until i finally thought of something. Jimin was walking just a few more steps in front of me in reach of my arm that pulled him to a stop. I bring my lips to his as soon as he turns around to meet me. His mouth open half way in mid question allowing me to insert my tongue in. his mouth strangely tastes like coffee and i couldn't remember him having any before we left but that was the least of my worries. It was ten seconds into me dominating his mouth when i started to notice he was kissing me back and that the voice in my head had shut up as well. I pressed him into the wall and made my way with my knee between his legs, forcing them apart slowly. Jimin let out a small breath from his nose, but it couldn't last forever. I hears jin’s loud voice coming in our direction yelling at namjoon because he had stepped on the back of his shoes. I looked down for a moment after breaking the kiss trying to catch my breath and sort my head out. When i looked up i saw jimin looking at me with a shocked look. My heart started to panic until i saw the corners of his mouth start to connect to create a smile showing his teeth. 

When namjoon and jin finally reached us jimin and i had calmed down enough to make it look like we were just getting out of the room.   
“ hey we texted you yoongi didnt you get out messages ?” 

I looked around for a second before remembering i dont have a phone anymore.   
“ no i lost my phone.”

Namjoon was about to speak when jimin had cut him off/ “ lets get you a new phone before new bedroom and house stuff.” there was a sharpness in his eyes that told me not to even dare to argue so i only nodded and walked out of the complex to the car with everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for suffering with me


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good god im so sorry it took me almost 7 months to bring this book back to life. a bunch f shit has gone down and not all of it good either. i wont get into it with yall so heres a new chapter of nothing truly exciting,

M.Y.

When all was said and done the 4 of us got in jins truck and headed towards the nearest phone store to get me a phone, or in jins words “ a lesser piece of shit than what i had.” which i was ok with because he wasn't wrong, not at all. That phone had 6 gigs of memory and half of it went to the big memor eating apps, which sucked ass because i needed more than just 4 apps on my phone at a time. 

“What kind of phone are you thinking about hyung? An apple or a better android?” i looked at him from the back seat into the rearview mirror. It took him a moment to think before answering me, probably because he wanted to make sure this purchase wasn't going to bankrupt him in the long run despite his abundance of money since all of my money was going towards getting me and jimin that nice apartment. “ i thought about just getting you a samsung galaxy, is that ok ?” he looked back at me the same way i looked at him and i nodded. That was for sure a better one and i was very thankful. 

I looked over to jimin for a second. He was looking out the window as we drove probably thinking about how he wanted his room to look. Whatever he chose would be fit for him, he was like that. Good enough for anything… except me. 

I rid myself of that thought quickly and grabbed jimins hand and held it in mine to keep from losing myself. Jimin was my grounding wire when it came to that shit. Lucky to have him. 

P.J.

When yoongi took my hand it had startled me a bit. I wasn't expecting it as i was deep in thought. He’d been through a lot, so much trauma all bottled up and waiting to explode like shaken soda. I smiled and squeezed his hand tight and kept holding that all the way to the phone store. When jin had parked his truck and i had to let go of his hand to get out i felt a need to grab it again when we were both on the same side again but i didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable so i decided to let him make the first move. 

We walked inside but he didn't grab my hand wich hurt me a bit but i understood, this was a very public place and eyes were on us as soon as we walked in.it didn't take long for a clerk to assist us, mainly talking to jin since he was buying the phone. I saw that yoongi had stepped to the side to look at the other devices on display around the store. I walked over to him curious what he was thinking about. 

“Find anything you like ?” he turned to look at me and our eyes locked before he turned to look back down at the phone. 

“ not really… i honestly just want to leave as soon as possible, i don't like how everyone is staring at us.” he put the phone down and started to walk down the line again to see the rest. I of course followed him.   
“ it will be ok, they are just doing something while they are waiting to be helped, even if it is a bit rude to do.” i looked at them all for a second and shot them glares. It was very rude no matter where in the word you are to look at someone for a long duration of time. 

I wanted to hug him but that would have only made the staring worse and in turn also make yoongi’s anxiety skyrocket. I looked over to jin who was heading our way with a big black phone in his hand. I thanked the heavens because that meant we were done with this and getting the hell out. 

“ here yoongi, this is your new phone, i've added all our contacts so you don't have to. Less work makes for a happy yoongi.” he smiled as yoongi took the phone. “ alright let's get out of here so you guys can go pick out your new furniture additions..” with that we all had left the store but not without a final gesture from yoongi which was flipping everyone off that had been looking at him. One woman got brave and actually stood up to do something about it but it was too late, the door had already shut in her face. I laughed at the situation and looked at yoongi, i am so in love with him.

 

M.Y.

Once we finished getting everything done we went back to the apartment to wait for the truck to deliver our things. Jimin chose a shade of blue grey with white futon like bed that had drawers at the bottom for his things and a desk connected to it. He also insisted on getting shelves of the same color palette to hand on the wall for his valuable items. I liked the design of the bed and got one for me as well but in a brownish tan color with lighter tan accents and a separated desk which was white. My shelves were more like sliding door cupboards which i was ok with, no need to show off to company. The living room was a big thing since we both had to agree to it. It annoyed me slightly when jimin would point out real gaudy looking furniture constantly when i was looking at a more basic set up. In the end he let me choose a black sectional couch and i let him choose the rest which consisted of a big white throw rug which was pretty soft and more fluffy than what i would have wanted and a few white pillows made of the same fabric. We chose a white tv stand that matched the rest of it quite well and were happy with it. 

The moving guys would set it all up for us we just had to point out where we wanted everything to be placed. Once it was all done we sat on the couch, which was quite comfortable, making me happy about jimin letting me pick it. We cuddled up together and watched a bit of tv before i left his arm fall to the side of the couch. I looked down at him and sure enough he was out like a light. I smiled to myself and placed a kiss on his forehead before turning the volume on the tv down and closed my eyes myself. Things were getting better, a lot better. I thanked the heavens for giving me jimin before i fell asleep.


End file.
